thoughts and things

The sleep creep

When you want the baby to stay asleep it doesn’t take much to wake them up. Do they have sonic hearing? I literally have to open my eyelids and she starts shouting my name.

One thing I’ve learnt is that once she’s gone to sleep at night, there is no way I can do certain things. Here I’ve compiled a useful list for you:

What can wake the baby up:

-Sneezing – always need to sneeze when I put her in her cot. It’s like tempting fate.

-Brushing my teeth (I end up doing this when she has a bath). Brushing teeth when you’re trying to be quiet, is a crazy idea. Water, the sound of your toothbrush, echoes in the bathroom.

-Going to the toilet – it’s closed between 7pm-7am. If you’re desperate, you can’t flush. Awkward. I have trained my bladder to go 14 hours straight. Skillz.

-Laughing – unless it’s in my head…..

-Doing anything in the kitchen – plates, kettles, cutlery drawers are awash with loud noises. You can’t even make a cuppa without added sound effects.

-Reading a book – is it me or when you’re trying to read quietly, you seem to loudly open pages, drop the book on your face or something else

-Talking – you end up talking im whispers that are actually louder than your real voice

-Closing doors – after it gets dark, every door in the house suddenly gets a squeak that not even Wd40 can fix. I once tried to use my deodorant to stop the door squeaking in a moment of despair.

-TV – I end up watching things with the sound down on 1 or 2. I have learnt to lip read. This is why I love Nordic Noir programmes – ready to go with subtitles. Damn I love The Bridge.

-Breathing – I never heard that nose wheeze my partner does until it sounded like it was amplified a gazillion times since Bubs was born.

The sleep creep

Instead, I have created the ‘sleep creep’ which involves tiptoeing on my left foot whilst trying not to tread on the 6th, 2nd, 4th and 3rd floorboard with my right, as it sets off an alarm only dogs and my baby can hear. I jump from the landing to my bedroom door, pirouette and slip on my pyjamas like I am Kate Bush.

When you want the baby to wake up, and you’re late for an appointment or you’re breaking out into a sweat as they are sleeping into the late afternoon, not even a fog horn could wake them up, however. What the hell?

13 thoughts on “The sleep creep”

  • Pmsl em I had the same conversation in Friday! When I’m rushing I can’t wake her etc but when I’m off she’s up at the crack of dawn cos I coughed! This post made me giggle! X

  • Ha ha!

    We thankfully don’t have this problem with Harry, he can sleep through anything. Sadly it does mean that on the (rare) days we need to be up and out early, he needs waking! x

  • Ahhh those days are long behind me thank goodness! My worst one was a cough – I always seemed to develop a tickly throat and need to cough just as they’d dropped off and I nearly choked trying not to cough until I was out of the room! I do love the Bridge though – can’t wait for the next series – awesome TV!

  • How do you survive this?!? I think I’ve been very lucky as my girls sleep the sleep of the dead – just as well as they share a room, with their beds about 2 feet apart. Hats off to you for your quietness!

  • Fortunately both our kids sleep like my husband, through anything. My daughter slept through a wall being demolished below her (it was non supporting). Whereas I tend to wake up by pre-empting something, so I’ll already be awake when one of the kids walk into our room.

  • when i was pregnant one of my friends advise to me was don’t do the quiet thing, carry on making the normal amount of noise and they will just get used to it. i thought it strange at the time but went with it. it wasn’t until i was at a friends house and she was “sleep creeping” that i realised how blooming genius that piece of advise was!

  • So true! We lived in absolute silence of about 2 and a half years as the slightest noise would be detected and shatter the hope of sleep for everyone but (touch wood) finally the little one sleeps through most things now – even an ambulance coming to the house!

  • This is so funny – we did the same creeping around but to be honest both my children took ages to sleep through. With one I used to act normally (he never got used to the noise and would wake up) the other we crept around and it was the same – it has taken three years to get her to sleep through…….yawn1

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