I never noticed how quiet it was in the house, until I woke up this morning and there it was. This deafening silence.
Bubs had gone to stay with her grandparents, and by all accounts was having a great time. I woke up at 8:45 and the first thing I thought was – ah, a lie in! (Oh how times have changed).
Going down stairs to make a cuppa, and there it was. Silence. And it got me thinking:
was this what it was like before? Before we had Bubs?
what the hell did I used to do with myself?
We sat and drank our tea, not even thinking to put the TV on. It was lovely. The silence enveloped me like a duvet. It was so different to what I am now used to. It was a novelty. We sat there, both thinking.
You don’t realise what quiet is, until you suddenly have it. I liked it, it was relaxing whilst I had my cuppa, but just for a while. I couldn’t cope with it for long and eventually the radio went on.
Reflecting on the past, I really don’t know what I did all the time! I’ve had a bit of time to myself the last few days but everything I’ve done has been something I wanted to do that lasted an hour or so. What did I used to do when there was no time limit? What did I do to plug the silence?
Silence, emptiness, white noise. These are words that came into my mind. Nothingness. It’s not just about sounds. What was I doing with my life?
I can’t even remember, you know. I remember reading my book for a few hours and my Saturday routine of cleaning the house from top to bottom (oh yes, I’ve always been a bit rock and roll!). But what did I do day to day? my partner works shifts and I used to spend many evenings all on my own.
What did I do?
Nowadays, whilst it is loud, chaotic, and busy, I like it. I thrive on it. I like the fact that when I come home we have our evening routine of meal, bath, bottle, bed. I like that when I come home from work, there is always a person happy to see me.
You don’t realise it at the time, but I feel now, looking back, that I was unfulfilled. My life had no direction and whilst I loved my job, outside of it I did not do very much. Socialising was something I wasn’t good at.
Now, I feel that a piece has been put into the puzzle. The sound of life and laughter has been filtered into my life. There were times before, when I know I didn’t speak at all, to anyone, all day. Now I am talking non stop. Now I have found who I am, and a role in life. I am very happy and you know what, she makes everything worthwhile.
I am glad that I don’t have silence in my house everyday. I can’t imagine my life how it was before.