thoughts and things

The Silence

I never noticed how quiet it was in the house, until I woke up this morning and there it was. This deafening silence.

Bubs had gone to stay with her grandparents, and by all accounts was having a great time. I woke up at 8:45 and the first thing I thought was – ah, a lie in! (Oh how times have changed).

Going down stairs to make a cuppa, and there it was. Silence. And it got me thinking:

was this what it was like before? Before we had Bubs?

what the hell did I used to do with myself?

We sat and drank our tea, not even thinking to put the TV on. It was lovely. The silence enveloped me like a duvet. It was so different to what I am now used to. It was a novelty. We sat there, both thinking.

You don’t realise what quiet is, until you suddenly have it. I liked it, it was relaxing whilst I had my cuppa, but just for a while. I couldn’t cope with it for long and eventually the radio went on.

Reflecting on the past, I really don’t know what I did all the time! I’ve had a bit of time to myself the last few days but everything I’ve done has been something I wanted to do that lasted an hour or so. What did I used to do when there was no time limit? What did I do to plug the silence?

Silence, emptiness, white noise. These are words that came into my mind. Nothingness. It’s not just about sounds. What was I doing with my life?

I can’t even remember, you know. I remember reading my book for a few hours and my Saturday routine of cleaning the house from top to bottom (oh yes, I’ve always been a bit rock and roll!). But what did I do day to day? my partner works shifts and I used to spend many evenings all on my own.

What did I do?

Nowadays, whilst it is loud, chaotic, and busy, I like it. I thrive on it. I like the fact that when I come home we have our evening routine of meal, bath, bottle, bed. I like that when I come home from work, there is always a person happy to see me.

You don’t realise it at the time, but I feel now, looking back, that I was unfulfilled. My life had no direction and whilst I loved my job, outside of it I did not do very much. Socialising was something I wasn’t good at.

Now, I feel that a piece has been put into the puzzle. The sound of life and laughter has been filtered into my life. There were times before, when I know I didn’t speak at all, to anyone, all day. Now I am talking non stop. Now I have found who I am, and a role in life. I am very happy and you know what, she makes everything worthwhile.

I am glad that I don’t have silence in my house everyday. I can’t imagine my life how it was before.

8 thoughts on “The Silence”

  • When we were on our way home from dropping Noos off with you (after a lovely lunch all together) we all said ‘how quiet’ it was without Noos in the car. We had only had her with us for a little over 24 hours but during that time she filled our home/car/garden with noise, laughter, chaos and a wonderful feeling of LIFE being lived again. Even the cat was complacent about her tail being trod on and being chased by a lightfooted toddler shouting ‘woofwoof’ (we’ll make allowances at 13months…) down the garden, with Grampy gamely following in pursuit trying to retrieve his battery operated magnifying glass that somehow made its way into Noos’ hand…. When we returned home we could almost feel ‘the silence’ our end as well and the absence of the little dynamo that is Noos was very much noticed. You enjoy your rare time off from being a working Mum which you so deserve and know that by allowing us to look after Noos for you from time to time, you are giving us something precious and wonderful that money could not buy.

  • I agree the silence is strange. When our children were away over half term it was nice to be able to start something and actually finish, but I kept looking around the house for the children because they were quiet so must be up to some mischief! Of course they didn’t miss being at home at all.

  • Such a lovely post – the silence is amazing, but even better are the cuddles and squeals you get when you are reunited 🙂 It is hard to imagine our time pre-babies, I remember thinking I was busy and had no time – what a joke!

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