thoughts and things

Sneaking Up on You

Pregnancy. It sort of sneaks up on you,you know. One minute you’re feeling naseous and wondering why you have a really, really bad 3 day hangover and the next you find out you’re up the duff.

You then spend the next 8 or more weeks in denial, trying not to tell anyone your news, trying to act ‘normal’, pretending to drink wine whilst eyeballing your drunk partner who’s had to literally drink for two. At the same time as anxiety levels rising and thinking you’re about to heamorrage everywhere  due to a tweak, twinge or just breathing. Oh and feeling so sick and so tired you can’t really function.

Then having a scan, seeing the baby and realising ‘fuck, I am actually having a baby’.

Then having to tell everyone, having to deal with the extreme happiness, and what some would say madness, of family members who are of course excited about the news. Having to contain your mother from buying out Mothercare, and tolerating her constant calls and texts about a non-existent ‘bump’. And bump names! Dont get me started on bump names. You are constantly trying to calm everyone else down as it’s too early, you can’t think that far ahead, No Mum I’m not sure what position I’ll give birth in – IT’S TOO SOON CALM DOWN

You have to keep working, keep focused, every appointment and scan is a step towards the big day. But every time you realise you’re not that far ahead and it’s all a long way to go, and you have to suppress you’re excitement as your Mother is calling again with baby names and her opinion on breastfeeding and have you felt it kick yet.

And then WHAM – you’re sat at home 36 weeks pregnant and you realise that it really isnt too soon that you are actually having a baby and it will be within the next  weeks. Oh Joy!

Everything you have had to suppress for so long, suddenly you can think about. And I tell you now it’s a bit of a mindfuck, really.

I have no idea what I’m actually doing, what I’m feeling and now Im so close Im wondering whether I should have listened more to the 80 year old obsetric physio at the antenatal class rather than laugh at her gyrating on a play mat simulating birth.

At least One Born Every Minute is back on the TV, right?!

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