thoughts and things

Should You Look Down on Me?

Now, I had a baby. You probably know this, as I’ve mentioned it a bit on here.

But do you look down on me? Am I less of a person because I decided to have a baby?

I read a blog post the other day, by someone who said they looked down on women who have had children. The post was a bit ranty, and it more or less said that by having children we couldn’t have it all.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Having just returned to work since having my baby, I have been feeling this week that I am ‘back in the zone’. I feel that I am doing OK. In my job, I have a fairly autonomous role. My job is not ‘fluffy’, it is stressful, it’s about making sure peoples needs are met, people who have complex health needs, liaising with general healthcare staff, family, patients, and community services. I work with people who are well, who are ill, who may pass away. No day is the same, and I do enjoy it. On top of this, I am also completing my dissertation, so that I can finally get my degree in nursing. Once I’ve done this, I am going on to do other study.

So, should you look down on me? Am I just a mum?

I come home from work, and I pick up my daughter, and I look after her. I give her a warm, loving stable home. We laugh, we smile. We spend time as a family. This, to me, is something I really value. Yes, I can’t just go off to the pub after work, but to be honest, I didn’t do it that much before anyway.

As for not being able to be spontaneous, and just suddenly decide to go back packing round Guatemala, I never wanted to do that. I flew alone to New York to meet my sister, and that is as adventurous as I get. If I want to be spontaneous, I do it with my daughter, and we do. We go off to visit friends and family. We’ve travelled from Scotland to Somerset.

If I want to do something alone, I find a way to do it. I’ve been to Britmums, I’ve been to events in London, I’ve met twitter friends – nothing has got in the way of what I wanted to do.

Ironically, I’ve done more in the last 12 months with a baby around, then I ever did when I was child-free. And I am so grateful that my baby girl came into my life.

Can I not be a feminist (whatever that means) and have a child? Can I not make the choices I want to? Why should I conform to whatever anybody says, what anybody implies is the right thing to do? Personally, I feel being a feminist is about not judging others opinions, in fact not having an opinion, I guess. People can choose to be, and live, as they want. Just by writing this article, I guess I am making a judgment, ironically.

I don’t care what someone thinks about me, really. I guess I just didn’t like the way that post was so bitter. So negative. I don’t think the terminology to ‘look down on’ someone sounded very open minded.

What do you think?

1 thought on “Should You Look Down on Me?”

  • I think it’s disgusting that anyone would choose to ‘look down’ on anyone due to their life choices. What makes this person better than any mums out there?
    Would we question whether a man could reach his potential and also be a father? Why should the same not be true of women?

    My mum has become very successful in her chosen career, and she has worked incredibly hard to get there. Yes, she had to miss out on the occasional bed time, but I don’t love her any less for it, nor have I suffered because of it. I am extremely proud of her and I would urge anyone be they a mother, father or childless to strive for what is truly important to them. And certainly to pay no attention to anybody who thinks it’s OK to look down on people.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: