thoughts and things

Just being me

Life has settled. Things feel normal. Calm has (sort of) been restored. My life as it was in 2012 when I found out I was pregnant, is no more. In fact as I wrote last week, I can’t even remember what that life was like.

So, the last 21 months I have been on a journey. Half the time I wouldn’t be able to tell you who I was or what I was thinking. But I have felt recently I have come to a plateau; things are becoming routine and so that means I am working out who I am now. That may sound a bit cringey and clichéd. Of course I am still me. But for a while I felt like I was on pause. I am me with added space in my brain for all the baby information.

I feel like I can manage at work (well, just about) and when I’m at home we have a nice routine to the day. I am not on edge or anxious at home now. I am happy being with Bubs and we have a good time. Most days I am not longing for bed time (I said most).

Work is stressful at times but at least I can remember my work phone number and computer passwords.

I have even started to think about my appearance. Yes I’ve been looking at confidence clothes for a while but I mean body maintenance. I’m trying to keep my nails nice and I’ve painted my nails a bit more often. I’ve been remembering to use moisturizer even. Hell, I even shaved my underarms yesterday. Little things I did before without thinking I’m starting to reincorporate into my life. I’ve even started wearing my contacts again which I actually put on hold for 6 months as I wasn’t wearing them.

I can get out of the house (alone) at times and I am reading books and blogs a lot more. I feel I can fit in a bit more of things I like to do. Maybe my time management skills have been improved.

This is my normal now. Yes Bubs will change but this person who I am now, this will be my baseline from now on. I feel I have come to terms with life and my situation. It’s taken some getting used to as well. I feel like my brain and my body have clicked back together. I feel positive about this year and what me Bubs and her dad can do and experience. I have a lot of good things to look forward to this year and at the moment I feel positive about where I am heading.

I just feel like me. I am just being me, and that’s it. And I feel good.

31 thoughts on “Just being me”

  • I love this post, the last line especially.
    I think many new parents go through a similar period of adjustment, it’s all very strange and easy to feel lost. It’s lovely that you are feeling positive about the year ahead xx

  • I like Amanda, love this post! I think the whole pregnancy/motherhood takes us all by suprise whether it was planned or not. I too am starting to feel much more like myself. Xx

  • I can relate to this. Little Man is nearly 11 months and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I shaved my legs until I did it a couple of weeks ago! It may have even been when I was pregnant! Things like that have slipped, I’ve slipped, I just don’t have the time for normal maintenance.
    I’m now trying to get those things back into the day to day routine, blow dry my hair, wear contact lenses occasionally, file my nails – Nail polish is a long way off for me!
    Thanks for this post x

    • Thanks! Yes I started with filing my nails – something I used to do without thinking! It’s just these little things that make me feel a bit more ‘me’. I am still trying to locate my straighteners put away sometime in 2012! Let me know when you paint your nails! X

  • This is so familiar. I had a style consultation when I was on maternity leave with B and cleared out a lot of the unflattering clothes. That made a difference to my appearance, but after M I can’t fit in to all of them and could really do with buying so new ones so I’ve got outfits instead of just clothes. I bought some nail varnish recently, but the closest I’ve got to using it is cutting my nails 🙂

    It is great to find time to do things for yourself and although we have routines things still slide. We got the kids to bed at a good time this evening, but I’ve only managed to do online shop and blog commenting (and not that many blogs). But I celebrate each achievement and I I hope you continuing to feel yourself.

    • Thank you! Yes each little thing is a step forward for me. I think getting new clothes has really helped my confidence and just being able to wear my contacts feels amazing. The only way is up! X

  • Parenthood and especially motherhood takes a lot of adjusting to. I know! I remember going through the same and thinking the same myself. Nearly 5 years and two children in, I couldn’t imagine it any other way. And I honestly wouldn’t want to go back to the way things were.

    Despite how hard it is. Despite the anxiety and PND, these little people have enriched my life and made it so much more fulfilling and me so much less selfish. It just takes a lot of getting used to!


    • Definitely! I’d never want to go back. I don’t miss who I was and I am excited about who I am becoming! Takes such a lot to get used to but totally agree my life is enriched by her being here. Thanks for your comment x

  • I can totally relate to this. Mine are a bit older now and so I can remember the steps you talk about .. back to shaving, back to wearing contact lenses. It all feels like small steps but they all add up to much bigger things. I will never be the person i was pre-kids but I am well n my way to being the new me and it sounds like you are too xxx

  • What a wonderful read, this is such GREAT news. I love the announcement that you managed to shave under your armpits lol! I think once you become a mum, even these things become a luxury. Blimey, I haven’t managed to paint my nails in years, although I do moisturise frequently but that’s what comes with being over 40….when I say ‘moisturise’, I mean my face, no moisturiser has touched my body for months! Well done you x

  • I enjoyed reading this – You’ve captured how I’ve also been feeling very well. The extent to which I’ve ‘lost’ myself in motherhood has really caught me by surprise. Prior to having M I was determined my life would carry on as before, but now (as you said) I can’t even remember what ‘before’ was like! Oh the naivety eh 😉
    Now that M is 14 months things are starting to fall into place as well. Many priorities have completely shifted but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I just needed to recalibrate a little and find a new kind of balance in my life. It’s lovely to hear that others are going through this too, and coming out feeling good!

  • This sounds wonderful – such an apt evocation of how it feels when you come out of the baby haze. But watch out, you’ll start to feel so settled that you think, oh, I know, how about another one…? :)xx

  • Thank you. Yes things will never be the same but nothing ever is when I really thought about it. Am excited for who I am being and becoming right now. Thanks for your comment!

  • A lovely post =] i’m glad you are feeling positive about this year and feeling much more yourself. Its taken me along time to feel like Katie and not just Mum. Thankfully i think i am just about there too =] xx

  • I remember hitting this realisation after our eldest was born, that I just didn’t know who I was anymore, I didn’t know how to dress or how to act. It took me a long time to realise I could still be me, just a slightly different version. I’m so glad you’re getting somewhere 🙂

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