thoughts and things

Happy Birthday, Kiddo

I can’t say that from the moment I saw you I was filled with a rush of love and wonder; we were both doped up on pethidine and I felt like I was in a dream. Time stood still; things seemed to take forever. When I held you, however, all purple, and angry looking, I know I couldn’t believe that you were mine.

Later, when everyone had gone, and it was just us, I never ever panicked. I knew I was your mum and I knew that somehow, we would work it out. From that moment we were tied, in a journey both of us had to take. I remember when I had my first shower, whilst you lay in your crib next to the shower cubicle, and I, wobbly from drugs, scrubbed my bits as best as I could, all the whole not really looking at anything but you. When we arrived at the postnatal ward, yes I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but neither did you, and we taught each other along the way.

It was hard. So hard. I never knew how hard it would be,at the start. But not because you were hard; being a Mum is hard work. I want you to know that I treasure every feed we had together, every wake up, every cuddle. And I still do. Every moment I am with you, I am so grateful for. I try and see this in the moment, but at the start it’s quite hard.

I can’t believe that two years have gone by.

You have grown up into a little girl. You love the colour purple, peppa pig, postman pat and weird YouTube versions of nursery rhymes. You love books, especially The a Tiger Who Came to Tea. You have Baby, Other Baby, Big Upsy and Baby Upsy, who all love to be sang and stroked to sleep or taken for a walk in your little buggy. You love wearing your aunty lyds shoes, and pretending to go out to work. You love Old McDonald ( or EIEIO as you call it), the ABC song, and twinkle twinkle the best.

You eat so many things, and are only fussy when you don’t feel well which I think is acceptable. You appear to have your fathers love of pizza, but also love fruit. You love warm Ribena and a cup of tea. Oh, and chocolate cake. You sure do love chocolate cake.

You are so happy. You light up my life, and your Daddy’s too. Even when I am tired, or feeling down, you make me smile. It almost breaks my heart when you say Thank You Mummy when I make you a special bath or when you ask for a cuddle, or if I let you have a second mini roll. You are such a polite, caring, loveable girl. Everyone loves you, everyone smiles when you are around. I have learnt so much about myself because of you.

My life is so different now, and I could never have imagined what being a Mummy feels like. You are a little person now, and every day is such an experience. You are learning but I am too, all over again. If I could cuddle you all day, I would. You’re such a darling.

Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl, my cheeky chops, my Bubs. Xxx


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