Today is a bit of a low day.
I don’t get them often. But today is a low day.
Today is a day when I want to be able to pick up a phone and call a friend. Maybe meet for coffee, arrange to go to the cinema or have a girly night in.
I want to feel a part of something.
But I’m not.
I’ve always struggled with friends. I find it so hard to push myself. And even when I have friends, I can be terribly flaky and some times I just can’t bear to do what I’ve arranged to do. I don’t blame people moving on and not keeping touch.
Is this being an introvert? Social anxiety?
I wish I could be the person I think I could be.
I am more aware now than ever that I need some friends. Depression and feeling crap due to pregnancy plus the grief of my Dad meant I hadn’t really thought about it until now. But now I’m ready to be a friend. Hopefully a better friend than I have been these past 18 months.
So today I’ve reached out to people I’ve lost contact with, or who I’ve not made much of an effort with. And if you may be reading this, I’m sorry about that.
I’m looking for groups to go to. I’m talking and messaging and trying to make some links again, on and offline.
I’m being practive, not wallowing in my low mood but pushing myself to do something about it. I think that’s progress really.
So I’m feeling low. But I’m also feeling strangely positive. Because I’m Making today the first day in my plan to get myself back on track.