Tiredness. I feel so tired today.
And empty. And sad. And sort of frustrated and anxious.
It’s Sunday night, and I’ve got to go to work tomorrow.
Yes, the Sunday night blues, we have them, all of us. But tonight it feels worse somehow, it’s irrational. I’m irritated by the fact. And I feel tired.
Think I’ve hit the wall. I’ve been back at work nearly 3 months, and I think it’s just hit me. The Work Wall.
I like my job. Day to day it’s different, but most days are ok. But I so wish I didn’t have to go, right now. Last week, I felt great, in control, and back in the work frame of mind. And of course tomorrow morning that’s just where I’ll be.
But if I could, I wouldn’t go to work. I keep trying to desperately think of ways, schemes, anything so that I didn’t have to go to work. It’s almost a madness, a desperation.
Its become my mission in life to try and do something else, or find a way to quit and just be with Bubs. Sometimes I think I feel like this because I know I won’t be able to ever quit work, ever.
I’m looking for something else, a change, and I know that when something comes up I will go for it. Oh but the effort it takes! I have failed the last 3 interviews I have had for other jobs, so the feeling of being trapped, and never being able to move on, envelopes me.
I’m crying, and it makes me feel a bit better. I have such a lot to be happy and glad about, I can’t let this feeling take over me.
I’ve hit the wall, now I have to find a way to get over it.