Tag Archives: toddler

Answers to the question Why?

Answers to children’s most irritating questions….

WHY?

Well, because it is.

Because that’s what someone named them.

Who knows?

I’m not sure really.

What made you think of that?

I don’t know why daddy always leaves the loo seat up. Beats me.

Why are you asking me that?

Because we have to share a birthday cake. You can’t eat it all.

Because it wouldn’t be nice!

Well I don’t shout actually I just talk a bit loudly at times.

It’s just the way it is.

Because the Police told me so.

Because if you don’t sleep you won’t grow and if you don’t grow you won’t be able to reach anything yourself one day.

Well that’s what I eat.
No you don’t eat meat because you don’t.
Because you don’t.

Ask your Daddy.

Let’s think about that overnight shall we?

Everyone eats their dinner first.

Well babies can’t talk because they’re too small.

Something to do with clouds which go Grey and then there’s hot and cold air and….erm…well the sky just makes a big noise.

It’s one of life’s mysteries.
It’s something that we don’t know about.
It’s a secret.

I’m not sure why.

I’m not sure why I don’t know why.

Do you want some sweets?

A lovely relaxing Sunday at the Pub

It’s a sunny day, it’s a Sunday…….better go off to the pub for a lovely Roast Dinner

Ah, Sundays. I must admit, it isn’t my favourite day of the week, mainly because I always remember I’ve run out of milk at approximately 5.13pm when most supermarkets are shut. Sundays, especially if it’s raining and I’m the only adult in the house, can be very long. There’s only so much Bing I can take, you know?  

It wasn’t always this way. I used to love a Sunday. Hungover, lounging around in my PJ’s, watching Hollyoaks omnibus and eating potato waffles. Those were the days. Anyway, I digress. One of the all time best things about Sundays are ROAST DINNERS. 

There’s nothing like your Mums roast dinner. Or your Nans.  Just thinking about them now and I start to salivate. Roast chicken, crispy roast potatoes, fluffy Yorkshire puddings, gravy oozing from the jug….heaven. 

Being a family that is two thirds vegetarian, our Sunday dinners are not the same. Sometimes they’re not even a roast. I’ve had to adapt to cooking lasagne or macaroni cheese for my Sunday dinner. We even sometimes have PIZZA, for crying out loud. We do sometimes have roast potatoes but it’s not the same. I couldn’t roast a chicken if I tried and I have no idea what to do with its giblets. It would take me 3 weeks to eat the said chicken and I’d probably have fallen over with salmonella poisoning by then.

So, where am I going with this? Ah yes. The compromise. When I am feeling at roast crisis point, my lovely partner agrees we can go for a Pub Sunday Roast. It’ll be a lovely, relaxing trip to the pub…..

We always choose a child friendly pub with a mahoosive play area outside. That’s like, rule number one. Then we play Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to have an alcoholic drink whilst we are there. I tell my other half to book a table as it’ll be busy. He scoffs and says, nah, it’ll be alright, and we get into the car. 

Now, we always get there and the place is rammed. I say, we should’ve booked! I told you! And my other half just rolls his eyes and nervously scouts around for a table. This time, there’s loads of tables outside. Great, it’s a sunny day, kiddo can play in the play area whilst I sip my wine and watch her enjoying herself. Perfect. 
We get outside, get a table and we pick our meals. Straight away Nancy is in the thick of the action. There is a slide/climbing frame combo and it looks like one of those buses in India where people are holding on, on the outside. Except, with children. They are hanging off every available piece of toughened plastic. Except, Nancy is not on the climbing frame,nor the slide. No. She wants to play with the gate to the play area.

“NO! You can’t come in!” She shouts at the children trying to negotiate entry. I have to get up and open the gates and try to get her interested in what she should be doing. As I sit down again she starts to climb up kid mountain. It’s not long before there is another drama, a bigger kid won’t let her on the slide, and I’m up and down like a yoyo, my rosè wine warming in the blazing sunshine. 

After a quick run around the pub garden to see the pet rabbits, throwing crayons on the floor, picking up sticks and a failed escape mission, dinner is ready.

“I don’t want FISH FINGERS!” she shouts.

“But you chose fish fingers” I say. 

There starts a ten minute conversation about eating our dinner, bribing with YouTube, ice cream and saying she can go back on the slide once she has eaten her fish/chips/peas. It is a long and agonising process, as she takes a bit of precious fish we take turns to stuff our faces as quickly as we can before negotiations start again. 

Once the stress levels have returned, I can finish my drink and Nancy goes off to terrorise the other children for a bit. The sun is so hot that I am sure I’ve burnt my shoulders. As she starts to climb on TOP of the climbing frame, about 5 feet off the floor, we talk her down and make a run for it, telling her she can have a lollipop from the shop if she gets in the car.

And there we have it, a perfect relaxing Sunday…….

Toddler Car Journey Moments 

That moment on the motorway when you hear “Hello Mum!” and realise that your child has escaped their arm straps on the carseat

That Moment when you realise you have a 3 hour car journey and only have one CD with you – ‘Cbeebies Party’

That moment when you know you should’ve stopped at the last services to change their bum, as the next services aren’t for 30 miles and you can smell a poonami occuring

That moment when they drop their toy on the floor and you try to scrabble around with your left arm behind you to find the said toy

That moment when they repeat the above again….and again….

That moment when the ipad battery runs out

That moment when you try and play I Spy with a 2 year old

That moment when they drop their milky drink all over the car floor and you have cheesy smelling car for weeks to come

That moment when they will not believe there isn’t a microwave in the car to make warm milk 

That moment when you spot a cow in a field and then they never get to see the cow because they looked the other way and now they are well annoyed and demanding another cow

That moment when you hear absolute silence…..

……because they have systematically taken every wet wipe out of the packet and are eating them

That moment when they fall asleep 5 minutes before you get home

That moment when you arrive and can get out of the bloody car

 

8 truths about nursery

For anyone not aquainted with a nursery, these 8 truths may help you to fit right in when your child starts….

1. You can never just ‘drop off’ your child….it takes at least 10 minutes and even then you have to crowbar your child off your leg

2. On that point, I break my neck to get there as close to opening time as possible, press the buzzer….and I wait and wait. Be prepated to wait for ages, holding a wrigging toddler and having to remember the password. “SOMEONE LET ME IN!” I want to scream in the frenzy of the morning chaos. I should’ve made that the password, thinking about it…

3. They will always, always get covered in mud, paint,water,  and have lasagne in their hair. There is absolutely no point in dressing up all pretty as they will be in spare clothes within about 10 minutes of arriving.

4. What do they eat? Who knows. If they ate half a veggie roast, what does that equate to exactly? She won’t eat salad without screaming blue murder at home, but you tell me she eats SECONDS? When they write ‘beef lasagne’ then cross that out and put ‘veggie lasagne’, what did she really eat, hmmm?

5. You will always get conned into buying their professional photos….yes I too said I wouldn’t ever bother but oh! the pressure. Oh and I always forget that it is photo day and it’s just pot luck if she’s wearing something suitable…

6. Keep all spare change for charity money that you will have to give to nursery as part of red nose day/children in need/hug a tree day etc.

7. Be prepared to empty your recycling bin and hand this over to nursery for various art and crafts projects. I buy Waitrose milk just so I can look good when I hand over the empty cartons.

8. Get ready to wow the nursery with your child’s fancy dress outfits. Book Day fills me with fear. Luckily this year she wasn’t well and so we didn’t have to do a bodge job with a bin bag and some tin foil. 

Questions I often ask myself now that I’m a Mum

Questions that go around and around in my head now that I’m a Mum. Can you add any to the list? Let me know! 
How long can I leave her staring at that stranger sitting behind us before it gets uncomfortable? 

Can they tell that she’s just wet through her nappy and now it’s all over me?

Where’s a baby change? Can I get away with changing her nappy here?

Did she just swear? 

If I cut this sandwich into the shape of a horse will she eat it? 

What am I doing?

Do I have enough nappies? Wipes? Change of clothing? Juice? Toys?

Can I bear to listen to If You’re Happy and You Know it again?

Is she going to hit him/her?

When will she go to sleep? Will she go to sleep? What if she is awake ALL NIGHT?

How does that Mum get her kid to stay in the trolley?

When did I stop caring about the stains on my carpet?

Did I just fall asleep?

Why are people so fricking LOUD?

Is it normal for her to stick pretend money down her nappy?

Is it bad that she doesn’t drink water? Unless it’s bath water?

When did I stop wearing proper (not pyjamas) trousers? 

When did I last shave my legs? This year???

Has she eaten enough?

Is she teething or just miserable?

Is it too early to drink Gin? 

Feeling Grateful

There are so many things to be grateful for.

Sometimes I have to stop and think about these things when I am feeling a little down. 

When I wish life were a little bit different.

When things don’t pan out the way I want them to.

When I wish it was me, but it isn’t. 

When I feel overwhelmed with work and being a Mum.

I have to remember that I have a pretty good life. 

I don’t want for much. I have a loving family, partner, daughter.

I have my health. I am generally in good health, although I do need to lose weight. 

I can go out when I want, I buy myself nice things.

I don’t have to worry about debt. 

I have a roof over my head, my own home. 

I am loved. 

I have so many positives in my life, I need to make sure that any negatives do not outweigh this, or take over my thoughts.

Many negatives are just in my own mind. I need to flip these thoughts and turn the negativity into some positive energy. 

I have really enjoyed reading and taking part in Embrace Happy with Karin and writing down my #3goodthings every day. 

Karin has written about appreciating little moments this week and this is something I am trying to do. 

One example of this was this weekend. Nancy and I were at home, and we put Winnie the Pooh on Netflix. Nancy had never seen it before,many she was mesmerised by the cartoon. As we watched, she hugged me and put her cheek next to mine, asking me questions about the characters as we watched. It was such a lovely, little perfect moment. 

I also read Katie Piper’s Book Start Your Day with Katie each morning. Having the thought in my head as I leave the house does help me get into a better frame of mind. 

Walking more, getting more active and eating healthier definitely helps me to feel more positive too. 

When things get tough for me, or stressful, I have to remember that my troubles are nothing compared to some people living out there. I need to keep in mind the here and now, and enjoy the here and now, letting go of the little niggles and embracing my life as it is. My life now, as it is, is good.  And even if this is the best it gets, this is good, it is better than good. 

I need to feel thankful, and grateful for my lot. And I am. 

Reasons Not To Go To Bed – Toddler vs. Mum




Toddler:

  • It’s already morning (it’s not)
  • Need a drink without water 
  • Need to read the zoo book
  • Need to go downstairs
  • Need to sing ‘Old McDonald Had a Farm’
  • Legs sore
  • Thumbs sore
  • Upsy Daisy needs to go downstairs 
  •  Need to eat my toast (from breakfast)
  • I need to speak to Grandma
  • Where’s the moon?
  • Where’s Peppa Pig?
  • I need to get back in the bath (that I only spent 2 minutes in because it wasn’t purple)
  • I need to use the Potty
  • I need to bake an orange in my kitchen for the baby 
  • I need my bracelet 
  • Can you sing twinkle twinkle?
  • Wrong duvet cover
  • The light is on
  • The light is off
  • Can we go into the garden to look for worms
  • I need you to Rock me like a baby
  • Where’s blankey

Mum

  • Child is still awake
  • I’m going to drink this glass of wine even if my eyes are half closed
  • I want to watch a programme of some kind 
  • I need to watch orange is the new black before it isn’t 
  • I need to eat
  • I need to drink something today 
  • I need to wee for the first time today
  • I have to wash some clothes as mine are all covered in snot
  • I need to do the dishwasher
  • I just want to lie here for a while
  • I’m worrying about tomorrow 
  • I’m thinking about how little sleep I will get tonight 
  • I’m thinking about dyeing my hair sometime this year 
  • I need to stare at my iPad for half an hour 
  • I want to finish my book
  • What am I going to eat for dinner tomorrow?
  • I want to change jobs
  • Thinking about what life would be like if I didn’t have to work ever
  • I need to call my mum back as she called me three weeks ago
  • I’m having such a great time why would I want to sleep?
  • Painting one fingers nails 
  • Listening to 90s songs on YouTube 
  • Googling former child stars of the 80s
  • It’s morning (it is)

Happy Birthday, Kiddo

I can’t say that from the moment I saw you I was filled with a rush of love and wonder; we were both doped up on pethidine and I felt like I was in a dream. Time stood still; things seemed to take forever. When I held you, however, all purple, and angry looking, I know I couldn’t believe that you were mine.

Later, when everyone had gone, and it was just us, I never ever panicked. I knew I was your mum and I knew that somehow, we would work it out. From that moment we were tied, in a journey both of us had to take. I remember when I had my first shower, whilst you lay in your crib next to the shower cubicle, and I, wobbly from drugs, scrubbed my bits as best as I could, all the whole not really looking at anything but you. When we arrived at the postnatal ward, yes I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but neither did you, and we taught each other along the way.

It was hard. So hard. I never knew how hard it would be,at the start. But not because you were hard; being a Mum is hard work. I want you to know that I treasure every feed we had together, every wake up, every cuddle. And I still do. Every moment I am with you, I am so grateful for. I try and see this in the moment, but at the start it’s quite hard.

I can’t believe that two years have gone by.

You have grown up into a little girl. You love the colour purple, peppa pig, postman pat and weird YouTube versions of nursery rhymes. You love books, especially The a Tiger Who Came to Tea. You have Baby, Other Baby, Big Upsy and Baby Upsy, who all love to be sang and stroked to sleep or taken for a walk in your little buggy. You love wearing your aunty lyds shoes, and pretending to go out to work. You love Old McDonald ( or EIEIO as you call it), the ABC song, and twinkle twinkle the best.

You eat so many things, and are only fussy when you don’t feel well which I think is acceptable. You appear to have your fathers love of pizza, but also love fruit. You love warm Ribena and a cup of tea. Oh, and chocolate cake. You sure do love chocolate cake.

You are so happy. You light up my life, and your Daddy’s too. Even when I am tired, or feeling down, you make me smile. It almost breaks my heart when you say Thank You Mummy when I make you a special bath or when you ask for a cuddle, or if I let you have a second mini roll. You are such a polite, caring, loveable girl. Everyone loves you, everyone smiles when you are around. I have learnt so much about myself because of you.

My life is so different now, and I could never have imagined what being a Mummy feels like. You are a little person now, and every day is such an experience. You are learning but I am too, all over again. If I could cuddle you all day, I would. You’re such a darling.

Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl, my cheeky chops, my Bubs. Xxx

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Nobody Thinks About After Babyhood….

Nobody asks for a 2 year old. Nobody gets pregnant and thinks ahead 2 years.

Before, when I was thinking about getting pregnant, and when I was pregnant, all I thought about was babies. Little, chubby little babies. You know, the ones that giggle and laugh through nappy adverts. That’s as far as I could think. Just having the baby was something I could barely contemplate. Giving birth was my biggest fear.

Well, I’ve been there, and I’ve done that.

Not many people talk to you about after babyhood. Everyone loves to coo and goes bananas about babies, feeding, weaning, poo, wee, blankets, toys, winding, baby smells, lullabies – you catch my drift. Having a baby is a total shock, like drowning before being rescued and then taking a massive intake of breath as you wake up to this reality which is nothing like you remember. You wear heaviness like a blanket. But babies are babies, and eventually you do sort of get the knack, even if they throw you a curve ball.

As they get older, people, and advice, start to drift away. Which is nice, actually. Life goes from new to…normal. Having this little person is no novelty. It’s real. Everyone gets to know each other. Lines are redrawn. Lives are adjusted. Babies turn to toddlers. And they start to be….them. A personality, a character. Thoughts independent, unknown and secret. They have a will, and they want their way.

Suddenly, you look down at this little person, with a scarily large head, who’s actually talking to you, and it hits you, you wonder how this has happened at all.

You have a 2 year old. A person. This was all your own fault.

And this is the unchartered territory. This is the bit that I should’ve worried a bit about. When a 2 year old kicks off, no one is there quoting anything at you, you can’t think back to that antenatal class which showed you the correct position to rugby tackle your toddler as they run off in Sainsbury’s Car Park.

This is really when parenthood begins. She’s looking up to me and she thinks I know everything. And I have to pretend that I do.

I never really thought about what it meant to be a parent. The baby bit was all I could even imagine. To be here now, it’s wonderful, exciting, terrifying. I think I’m doing alright. I know there are books and TV shows and yes a lot of great blogs out there I can refer to, but nothing really prepares you for having a little person. Your little person. You just want to make everything perfect for them, and I’m sure, to them, it is.

But I’m cacking myself.

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Short thoughts 1/2/15

Almost daily insights into my mind….

Last night went well other than Bubs falling asleep, rolling out of her bed and then falling asleep underneath it. Gave us a bit of a shock when we couldn’t find her…

I thought I’d try myfitnesspal yesterday. I ended the day -245 calories, which to be honest felt like a victory.

Sort of a bad start to the healthy eating today, only having croissants to eat. That sounds much more indulgent than the reality.

Having a small child wipe their snotty face all over yours is something that I can never come to terms with.

Looking forward to a day trip to peppa pig world probably indicates my current state of mind.

I really should try and make more friends. I need to get out more. I need to be able to have an alcoholic drink in a socially acceptable situation every now and again.

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