The top 25 rules of having a toddler, as observed by me. These are the things I just know are going to happen. Let me know what you think!
1. They will always fall asleep when you don’t want them to
2. They will always stay awake when you don’t want them to
3. They will always tip a summer fruits drink all over themselves just before you leave the house
4. They will always do the most disgusting poo ever just before you leave the house.
5. Or, they will always do a massive poo on the way to nursery, making it look like you didn’t change them before you left the house. Which you did. Twice.
6. If there is a teeny tiny piece of crayon somewhere in the living room, they will find it, and use it. ON YOUR WALL.
7. They will become obsessed with one song, one TV show, one type of food at a time
8. They will always eat all the food at nursery even stuff they say they don’t like at home
9. They will always like the noisiest toys
10. If there is an opportunity to fall over and get covered in mud, they will do it
11. If there’s a puddle, they will jump in it, wellies or no wellies
12. They will always like the weirdest, oddest sounding nursery rhyme on YouTube
13. They will like random items and call them toys, such as a giant red plastic spade that has to be taken everywhere in case we find sand
14. They will always rub snot on your cardigan. Always.
15. They always remember. Everything. Don’t say anything within a 3 mile radius if you don’t want them to know about it.
16. They will always want your dinner, or lunch, or cake.
17. They will always want your things.
18. They will try and put your make up on. And eat your lipstick.
19. They will always want the toy that another child has.
20. They will expect you to fix things magically, like a book that has been torn to shreds or produce items at their request instantly
21. They will break stuff at other people’s houses. Or wee on their sofas
22. They will shout BOOBIES or other such body parts in public.
23. They will ask for milk, then when you give them milk, they ask for orange juice. Like you should’ve known.
24. They will always want to go on the ride outside of the supermarket, when you don’t have the correct change
25. They will always want one more, of whatever it is.