Tag Archives: mother

Nobody Thinks About After Babyhood….

Nobody asks for a 2 year old. Nobody gets pregnant and thinks ahead 2 years.

Before, when I was thinking about getting pregnant, and when I was pregnant, all I thought about was babies. Little, chubby little babies. You know, the ones that giggle and laugh through nappy adverts. That’s as far as I could think. Just having the baby was something I could barely contemplate. Giving birth was my biggest fear.

Well, I’ve been there, and I’ve done that.

Not many people talk to you about after babyhood. Everyone loves to coo and goes bananas about babies, feeding, weaning, poo, wee, blankets, toys, winding, baby smells, lullabies – you catch my drift. Having a baby is a total shock, like drowning before being rescued and then taking a massive intake of breath as you wake up to this reality which is nothing like you remember. You wear heaviness like a blanket. But babies are babies, and eventually you do sort of get the knack, even if they throw you a curve ball.

As they get older, people, and advice, start to drift away. Which is nice, actually. Life goes from new to…normal. Having this little person is no novelty. It’s real. Everyone gets to know each other. Lines are redrawn. Lives are adjusted. Babies turn to toddlers. And they start to be….them. A personality, a character. Thoughts independent, unknown and secret. They have a will, and they want their way.

Suddenly, you look down at this little person, with a scarily large head, who’s actually talking to you, and it hits you, you wonder how this has happened at all.

You have a 2 year old. A person. This was all your own fault.

And this is the unchartered territory. This is the bit that I should’ve worried a bit about. When a 2 year old kicks off, no one is there quoting anything at you, you can’t think back to that antenatal class which showed you the correct position to rugby tackle your toddler as they run off in Sainsbury’s Car Park.

This is really when parenthood begins. She’s looking up to me and she thinks I know everything. And I have to pretend that I do.

I never really thought about what it meant to be a parent. The baby bit was all I could even imagine. To be here now, it’s wonderful, exciting, terrifying. I think I’m doing alright. I know there are books and TV shows and yes a lot of great blogs out there I can refer to, but nothing really prepares you for having a little person. Your little person. You just want to make everything perfect for them, and I’m sure, to them, it is.

But I’m cacking myself.


Short thoughts 1/2/15

Almost daily insights into my mind….

Last night went well other than Bubs falling asleep, rolling out of her bed and then falling asleep underneath it. Gave us a bit of a shock when we couldn’t find her…

I thought I’d try myfitnesspal yesterday. I ended the day -245 calories, which to be honest felt like a victory.

Sort of a bad start to the healthy eating today, only having croissants to eat. That sounds much more indulgent than the reality.

Having a small child wipe their snotty face all over yours is something that I can never come to terms with.

Looking forward to a day trip to peppa pig world probably indicates my current state of mind.

I really should try and make more friends. I need to get out more. I need to be able to have an alcoholic drink in a socially acceptable situation every now and again.


What Being A Mother Means To Me

I was filling in a form a few weeks back and there was a question: What does being a mother mean to you? And at the time I couldn’t really answer it. But this morning, whilst I was doing something mundane like changing Bubs’ nappy, it hit me.

What being a mother means to me

Being a Mum is a connection. A friendship, a comeraderie, a feeling of togetherness. This person needs you, but you need them too.

She fills a void in my life I didn’t even know was there. She makes me feel whole, complete. I am never alone, and whilst that can sometimes feel like agony, I couldn’t bear it if she wasn’t here. Even when I am not physically with her, knowing she is there is reassuring.

I used to feel so lonely. I have friends, but some are far away. What I mean is, when it was just the two of us, I spent a lot of evenings and weekends alone, due to my partners working patterns. I didn’t seem to have the get up and go that I do now. I never used to do much, and felt very scared and shy at meeting new people. She has changed this – I feel more motivated now than ever. She has given that to me. I make sure we have things to do. We go out and explore. We go out for a walk. I was lazy before, not making an effort when really I should have.

She has given me a reason to do more, to learn more, to improve myself so that I can be the best I can for her. I am all she has – she is dependent on me, and in return I am dependent on her. I only know I am doing things right if she lets me know in her own way.

I do things automatically, and I put her before anything else. It’s a subconscious decision, and half way through doing something like changing her nappy, I realise just how normal this has all become. I don’t even realise I’m doing it.

Being a mother is about loving, teaching, playing, laughing, guiding and I think most of all, being yourself.

Yet she has changed me, I have a different perspective on things, seeing things with different eyes. She’s made me see that just staying indoors was not an option. We go out and face the world – sometimes I even have the guts to face the world on my own. Her being with me has given me the confidence to do it.

What does being a mother mean to you?