Tag Archives: me

Goodbye Granny Pants

When I was pregnant and I was told that I had to buy some massive pants for after the birth, I was half amazed and half disgusted that I had to buy some Granny Pants. 

They looked bloody HUGE.

I couldn’t find any to start with. I just needed some non fancy everyday kind of granny pants. I didn’t even think I’d wear them. In the end I went to BHS and bought about 5 in varying dark colours. One thing I noticed about pregnancy was that every book I read and everyone I spoke to talked in hushed tones about wearing dark clothes and using dark towels and dark granny pants. I couldn’t imagine wearing them at all.  In BHS, I hunched my shoulders, trying to shield my face in case anyone I knew saw me in BHS and then, buying Granny Pants. It was an ordeal. 

2.5 years later…..

I am wearing the same granny pants. The granny pants moved in and they never moved out. I found the Granny Pants to be quite comfy, actually. Reassuringly secure, if you will. They held everything that was starting to flop down quite well. They also hid the bushy nightmare that was my bikini line.


But I am 32 years old, not 92. I really should wear some non Granny Pants for a bit, right? Something that may make me feel a little more Giselle rather than Granny. I realised one day that I had given up on my pants. I had become accustomed to pants that came up to my belly button. They didn’t exactly make my VPL look any better. Skinny jeans and Granny Pants is probably not such a good idea, in retrospect.

So I set off to look for some sparkly new pants. I felt excitement as I entered M&S (yes, I could’ve picked a sexier shop, but you know, I’m starting off gently). 

As I walked into the lingerie department, I looked around at all the pants. Loads of pants. 

And I got immediately confused.

So. Many. Pants.

What the hell was a Brazilian pair of pants? Why were these pants made of what looked like spandex? I picked up a thong, which looked menacingly floss-like. They were the same size as my daughters pants. 

My head swirled with lurid pink, and black lace and little white bows. 

Shorts, high leg, bikini, Brazilian, no VPL, short leg, French knickers, high waisted, midi, waist cincher, thong….the words meant nothing to me. 

How do you even know what knickers to wear anyway?! 

I just wanted some nice pants. Pants I could just wear and not feel like I had a piece of string up my bum.

In the end I just picked a pair that looked like it covered at least 65% of my bum. Brazilian. That’d have to do. 

I purchased my new pants and felt a nervous anticipation about wearing them. 

The next day, I examined my pants. I seemed to have picked up a pair of pants that looked like they were the wrong way round. My derrière was barely covered by a lacy back and the front was just as bad.  

I realised I needed to sort out the lady garden area pretty nifty too. A VPL was the least of my worries, at the moment I had a VBL (visible bushy leg).

But, they looked nice at least. If I breathed in. So I wore them. I spent half the day scratching my bum due to the lace and the other half trying to sit down without getting a wedgie. 

Does that happen to everyone, I wonder?

Thing is, putting on my Granny pants, I feel comfort and minimal effort is needed to just throw them on. Maybe they’re not so bad after all…..

Fish Fingers and Facetime Heartbreak

They told us in the most technologically advanced way they could, via Facetime. I was actually impressed. This was the only time my Mum has managed to Facetime us herself straight off.

I wonder if anyone else has used their ipads in this way. However it was the only way they could see us, virtually better than nothing at all.

As I saw their faces nervously stare back at the screen and I knew it wasn’t good.

As a nurse, I am used to bad news. I hear it, I say it. I am hardened to the cold, grey words.

But when it is personal, when it is your family, the colour and the pain sear into your heart.

Memories and thoughts flash through my mind. Some good, some bad.

I feel a sadness descend over me.

And then I have to snap out of it, and cook fish fingers and chips for my little girl, who keeps asking me what is wrong.

I sit with her and watch YouTube videos of cartoon Monkeys falling off a bed.They fall off, they get up, and they do it all over again.

She must know something is up as she has eaten all her fish finger without prompting, and I silently make a note to use this information at a later date.

I desperately want to forget about all of this. But I can’t, and it’s real.

I feel the sadness grow and spread just like the cancer that has invaded my family.




Plus Size for Beginners

If you’re new to Plus-Size, or just wondered what was within the flowery section at the back of the shop with this name, then this very much tongue-in-cheek guide is for you.

1. The plus-size department is seperated from the ‘normal’ clothes, usually at the top floor right at the back, segregated like it’s some sort of infectious disease.

2. You will be able to spot the Plus Size department as all the clothes are significantly bigger than the rest of the shop, clothes billowing from the racks like sails on a boat.

3. People who wear Plus Size clothes, they love slogans. They love slogans like ‘Love Yourself’ or ‘BE HAPPY” or “Life’s for Living!” emblazoned across the front.

4. Because all fat people are happy, jolly people. Our role model is Father Christmas.

5. People who wear plus size clothes, they love flowers. They wear clothes covered in ditsy prints. It’s like a plus size uniform. Any flower will do, just make sure they cover 85% of the top or trousers you are wearing. It’s like camoflage.

6. People who wear plus size love bright colours. The brighter, the better. Even better if you put multiple bright and clashing colours onto the same piece of clothing.

7. People who wear plus size must wear different clothing to the rest of the shop. You can’t get ‘normal’ clothes in the plus size, oh no. The ‘normal’ size only goes up so far and after that, you have to wear the special clothes.

8. People who wear plus size must wear an item of clothing with elastic in. It’s the law.

9. People who wear plus size have to wear wrap dresses and tunics and leggings, at least once a week.

10. People who wear plus size all have very wide feet, so need shoes that are as wide as 2 normal people’s feet.

11. Oh, and people who wear plus size love shoes, because we can buy any fecking shoe we want. Unless our feet are too wide, but we may buy them anyway just to stroke gently.

12. People who wear plus size have huge boobs. Boobs so big they can’t fit into anything but massive boulder-holding industrial strength old granny looking bras. Every single plus size person can barely stand up due to the weight of their boobage.

13. You are either in the plus size, petite or tall section of a shop. You can not ever be a combination of these things.

14. If a plus size person tries to wear skinny jeans, she will spontaneously combust.



I am running out of time, Like sand through my metaphorical fingers. I just never seem to have enough.

Running out of time sounds dramatic, but I really don’t know where it all goes. I never feel I have enough time to do everything properly.

I am not sure what I do with my time, but I do something and then I blink and then it’s time to go to sleep or get up.

Just to prove my point, I fell asleep as I wrote that last sentence.

I start lots of things, I have lists in my head of things I want to do. I want to try my hand at crochet and also sewing (yeah the Sewing Bee really convinced me that I too can be a dress maker), I want to write lots of very funny and popular blog posts, I want to watch TV programmes right until the end, and not fall asleep.

I have ideas of washing my hair everyday and shaving my legs at least weekly (well, I can dream.) I  even think about getting to the bottom of the washing pile or even cleaning my bathroom.

I need to get better at managing my time. Where did all the time go?

I was asked recently what I did before I had Nancy. I can’t really remember.  All I can think of is big gaps of nothingness, days where I had so much time, it wasn’t a luxury to me.

I try and make the most of the time I have, but there are moments where I just think everything is half finished. Rushed. A bodge.

I make lists, and lists of lists, and that does help. I plan my time, but there’s always something else I could be doing, too. I have to prioritise and sometimes it is a hard thing to do.

I know I want to make the most of my time now. I think that’s what being a Mum has taught me, time is precious, and we need to make the most of it. So yes, sometimes I throw my lists out the window and do something different instead, because you have to make the most of things.  But then I come back with my tail between my legs, scrabble around picking up my lists of lists, and I’m back on that rollercoaster again.

Sometimes I have every will in the world but I’m just so tired and sleep takes over every other priority in my head.

I better go now as I am actually supposed to be in the shower, but I chose to write this instead. Oops!

I don’t really think there is any answer. We muddle along the best we can. Anyway really should go now as shower has been reduced to a wet wipe…

How do you manage your time? Any tips?

Short thoughts 5/2/14

Almost daily insights into my brain…..

I found out today what Beyoncé was warbling about when she was talking about drinking watermelon. Urgh.

Yesterday I realised I hadn’t got dressed, washed or brushed my teeth today. At about 6pm. Nice.

I feel like I meet so many people who I just KNOW I would be such good friends with, if only they didn’t live bloody miles away. Sometimes I feel lonely.

Marvellous creations popping candy is my nemesis. And probably the reason I’m still fat, tbh.

It hit me today that my little girl is 2 this month. Where the hell did 2 years go. No, seriously. Where did they go?

I haven’t sorted out a birthday party or anything. I’m pretty shit at that sort of thing. I sort of wish I could forget about it, really.

I want to do so many things I just need to actually do them, book tickets, make arrangements, live my life.

I keep writing 01/14 when I write the date, I can’t get used to it. I’m living in the past.

Last week…week 2


I seem to be racing ahead with my books this week, I have read three now this year, so doing very well! I finished Second Life by SJ Watson, a great read and the review will be on the blog very soon. It was a real page turner and full of tension, loved it.

The other book this week is Going Out in the Midday Sun by Kate Hardy which is the book I’ve been reading for the Bahlsen Book Club. I really enjoyed this book, set in the late 90s and about a group of people who’s lives intermingle by chance. It was easy to read and well written. Again full review up very soon!


This week has been very tiring. We lost Nancy’s dummy (or diddy as it’s known in these parts) on Monday, and ever since then we have been going cold turkey. She has actually coped really well, and we haven’t had many tears. Getting to sleep can be tricky though, with bedtimes going on for over 2 hours. It’s starting to settle a bit now.

She’s also starting to get interested in using the potty. At times she will refuse to wear her nappy, and we have had some successes using the potty too. I’m just taking my lead from her and making it a gradual process.


I’m feeling really good at the moment, very positive and happy in myself. It helps that Im fitting into clothes better, bought some nice clothes with Christmas money, and I’m taking the time to look after myself and my appearance better such as painting my nails, using my straighteners and wearing jewellery again.

I’m really pleased with how I’m doing with weight watchers, I’m focusing on veg, trying to eat fruit and/or veg with every meal. I’m happy counting my pro points again, i feel I have my mojo back and my self control. December was a total write off so I was glad I only put 4lb on over Christmas, and I managed to lose this last week. So I’m very pleased with myself 🙂

This is a short but sweet little update, a day late, but never mind! See you next week x

My Week

Well, I know what you’re thinking. I missed last week! Doh! I was all a bit caught up in my birthday, work, and also a poorly girl, so apologies if anyone out there actually missed my little post. Anyway, back on form today. And yes, I know it’s now Sunday and I’ve totally not written this post on time either!

This last week hasn’t been that exciting, really. Being cooped up with a poorly toddler, as well as feeling poorly yourself, is no fun.


My birthday was lovely and I did write a bit about it here. I went out for dinner with my partner the weekend before, which was a great evening, and much needed bit of time for us. On the day of my birthday I went to work, and when I got home I got into my PJs and had a takeaway with my sister. It was really nice, and just what I needed.

Weight wise, I stayed the same last week, which isn’t any surprise considering the meals out and the takeaway! So I was rather pleased about this, and didn’t feel too bad about it. I’ve lost half a pound this week, which is rather less than I was hoping, so I want to see a bigger loss next week as it is creeping slowly towards christmas and I would love to lose a stone before then. I am back to basics of tracking everything I eat and I really need to get active.


Bubs has been so lovely recently. She is picking up new words everyday and she has such a friendly temperament. Even when she was unwell, she was still smiling. She has just got her incisor teeth coming through top and bottom now as well; I don’t think she has many more teeth after that, thank goodness! She is loving nursery now, and we have managed to get over the tears at the front door which was awful to see, and having to leave her at nursery in tears made me feel awful! She seems to be really enjoying it. I’ve started to think about Christmas now, and what we are going to get her. As her birthday is in February we need to think about that too soon! I have seen lots of different Christmas traditions and I’m thinking whether or not to start with she this year. I’d love to know your Christmas ideas.


Whilst looking after a poorly Bubs and myself, I managed to finish The Goldfinch. I loved this book, it was so good and totally got me hooked.

I am currently reading A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing, which is interesting and quite strange to read! It’s written all in prose, and it’s almost a steam of consciousness thing. I quite like it though!

I have had a voucher for my birthday, so I am looking for some reading reccomendations, so let me know your favourites!


I have been drinking Yorkshire Tea this week, which is very nice. I have also been trying some tea I had for my birthday, which is called Slim Tea – I will let you know if it works!

My Week on Wednesday

Wow, this week has gone fast! I am not sure where it’s gone really.

My we


I’m just getting back into the swing of things after our holiday. This last week at work has been one of catching up and getting back into it all. It’s been busy but at least the days have gone by quickly.

Last week, I was really pleased that I had got my degree. I received my degree certificate on Friday so that was a great excuse to have some bubbles! I know I keep going on about my degree but it is such a big deal to me. Now I have it, I feel I need to find something else to focus on!

This last weekend was very exciting for me. I was meeting my university friends as it has been 10 years since we all met when we started our nursing and midwifery diplomas! I went up to Nottingham for the first time in years, and it was lovely from the moment I sat down on the train. I managed to read, write poetry and just chill before getting to Nottingham and meeting my friends. We had a stroll down memory lane and revisited some iconic places, such as the university and the hospital where we were based. We also went to look at our old uni house, which looked just the same as when we left it 7 years ago!

I felt all sorts of emotions as I was there. I felt a real pang of reminiscence, and a little bit of me wanted to just come back and stay there. I will always have a soft spot for the East Midlands, and Derbyshire, and going back pulled at my heart strings a bit. But in a happy way.

We also stumbled across the BBC World War One exhibition which was on in the square. We even saw Larry Lamb talking about the war with a historian, which was really interesting, adding a bit of culture to proceedings!

We went to a lovely Thai place called Tarn Thai for dinner, which was really tasty, and then on to drinks at The Pitcher and Piano, an old haunt if ours. We haven’t met up for a year so there was lots of chat and catching up to do.

On Sunday we met up for breakfast and more catching up before it was time to get the train back. I had such a lovely weekend, I always feel more myself again when I come back, like I’ve found myself again by being with my friends. Yes I have friends in Bristol but not really close friends like my university friends. I am really hoping we can meet up before Christmas or afterwards, a year is just too long!

Diet wise, things are back on track after the holiday. I lost 1.5lbs last week and even though I was away for the weekend, I have been really keeping in control of what I eat. Over the weekend I didn’t want to eat crappy train food or ‘waste’ myself on junk. I chose foods I wanted to eat, thought about what I ate, and also to some extent what I drank. I felt so much better for feeling in control and not caving in to sweet snacky foods. This week, I am eating at least one organic meal a day as I am celebrating organic month with Waitrose. This has given me such an excuse to eat more fruit and veg and given me just the boost I need – review will be on the blog within the day!


I managed to finish the Poets Wife by Rebecca stonehill whilst away, and it is a lovely book. A family saga set in the time of the Spanish civil war and Franco era, it really engaged me. Review is here if you what to take a look and the book is published this friday!

I am now reading The Goldfinch and it is totally not what I expected, it’s reeled me in and I’m enjoying reading it!


Bubs is just growing every which way! She must be on a growth spurt as she is eating loads and drinking loads too. She is talking all the time, and new words are appearing every day! She said to me the other day, “Mummy look at this!” Which shocked me a bit – she is talking sentences! It’s so delightful to see her chatting away to her toys, singing and talking to me about things she loves. She is also doing a lot of pretend play, I got send a baby Oleg meerkat toy after buying my insurance and she loves it, rocking it to sleep and kissing it. This is a lovely time, she does have her moments and we are still figuring out how to manage her tantrums, but she isn’t ear piercing screaming as much at least!


I have just reviewed Little Miracles organic soft drinks which have organic tea in them, I thought they were pretty good. Review up this week.

About Being on A Diet

Being on a diet, or healthy living plan, or whatever you want to call it, sort of takes over your life. You change before your very eyes. Suddenly, you’re talking about what cheese is the lightest and how many haribos you can eat for 1 point. Here’s 10 observations I have made about being on a diet – let me know yours as well!


1. Healthy Things Cost Money

Trying to stick to your healthy eating plan? Want a life? You go out, you choose your salad. you’re congratulating yourself on your wise choice, then you realize your salad costs more than the non-healthy option. you lose weight, but are poor, or you are fat, and can afford to eat salad – its one of life’s conundrums.

2. You become addicted to fat TV

Fat: a year to save my life, Super Size vs. Super skinny, biggest loser…there are loads of these shows. And sometimes you may feel a bit smug and/or better as you don’t weigh as much as they do. Even though you’re probably eating a biscuit when you’re watching.

3. Everything becomes Mini

You become obsessed with anything  miniture. Teeny tiny morsels of niceness that you can savour, for about a minute.  Mini Babybels, mini twisters, mini flapjacks are just a few.

4. Sauces

You make sauces out of random household items such as Fanta and a mysterious item called Quark that you have never seen before in your life.

5. Crazy-Ass Recipes

You start following mad recipes such as ‘mushy pea curry’ and start to put baked beans in everything. You make chocolates out of shredded wheat and Nutella out of desperation, and try and make some sort of cake out of pasta.

6. Weigh yourself

When you weigh in the first time, you wear whatever it is you’re wearing. No probs. A few weeks later, you are going to the toilet 3 times, turning around 6 times and touching your nose once whilst wearing a negligee before you stand on the scales.

7. You try and convince yourself initially that walking to the canteen to buy a diet coke is excersize. The next week, you’re breaking your ankle undertaking Insanity with 30 day shred on as background music.

8. It’s all you can talk about

It becomes a total obsession. you want to tell everyone about your points, what you’ve eaten, and how hard it was/how easy it was to eat that Penguin. Instagram is your friend. You may, Er, blog about it too.

9. Wine doesn’t count

Wine doesn’t count. Especially on Fridays. Or Saturdays. It’s like water, or something.

10. Cheat Days Rule

You can’t go on a diet without having weigh-in day as a cheat day. When after you weigh in, you pop next door to the chippy and queue up behind everyone else from the class.

My Week on Wednesday

This week has been a bit pants, really. I have just felt very stressed and not really focussing on anything I want to do. On a positive note, I have started my leave from work and had my little sister to stay, so not all bad.

My we


I went to see my Dad on Saturday, for his 70th birthday. We had a little get together in the afternoon, and then went out for dinner in the evening. We went to The Harbour Inn in Lyme Regis, his favourite restuarant and Lyme Regis is also one of his favourite places. It was lovely to see him, and spend some time with him and other members of my family. The only issue I had was that my partner and Bubs had to leave early and go all the way back home to Bristol, as Bubs would not have made it through the evening dinner.

On Sunday, we drove back to Bristol with my little sister in tow. She has been staying the lat few days, and its been nice to see her and spend a bit of time with her. Now she’s 18, it can be really obvious the differences between her and other people her age; She bought a colouring book and a frozen CD on Monday, and she has really enjoyed using them. I guess it has just made me see how different her life will be from mine.

Today, we have been to Wild Place, a wildlife park in Bristol. It was a lovely relaxing time actually and I really enjoyed spending time with everyone there.

I am now on annual leave from work and don’t have to go back for a few weeks. It’s lovely to feel I don’t have to go back soon, and I get a proper break. I haven’t had two weeks off work for years! We are off to Menorca next week and I really can not wait. I do need to start packing though….

Bought some fab Primark bargains this week. I got these leggings for £3 and I couldn’t be happier with them! I also got a couple of summer dresses to take on holiday.

Weight wise, things have been a bit of a nightmare this week. Dinner out on saturday was tough, but I stuck to my guns and just had a steak with salad, no chips and no pudding. It was the drink though that really undid me; if I had stuck to diet coke I would have been fine. I know I need to enjoy myself, but I have really seen this week that, actually, alcohol is not the be all and end all. I love a glass of wine or two, but that’s where it is going to stop (not that I drink excessively anyway but last Saturday was rather silly!) I just have to see how I go on Friday and then as I have my holiday, I think I will need to just be sensible and when I get back really tackle it.

Food wise has also been an issue with my sister here. She loves going out for lunch, but she’ll only eat certain things. Like burgers, pizza or chicken nuggets. So trips to McDonalds and other fast food joints have been made. I have made healthy choices where I can, but what I have realised recently is that it costs so much more to choose the healthy version! What’s that about?! Having a salad would have been £4 more expensive than the burger we had yesterday. When you are on a budget, these things do matter and I have had to sometimes make a financial decision over a healthy one. That’s not fair in my mind. After all, a salad can’t cost more than a burger and chips to make?!


I have finished We Were Liars and I enjoyed this book, although I wonder if I missed the point somewhere. I liked the ending but I don’t know if I would have called it a ‘shocking’ twist. I have now started a book called The Poet’s Wife which I am going to review next – it’s sounding good so far!


Bubs has had a lovely week, but we are still having issues with sleep. Things have improved somewhat, but we are still having days when she doesn’t nap, and therefore goes to sleep early, and also days when it is really tricky to get her to go to sleep. We have stopped using her winnie the pooh projector as although at one point, this did help her get to sleep, now it seems to wake her up!

She is eating much better and really has taken to the spoon/spork this week. She has been eating couscous and vegetables, veggie fajitas, quorn Bolognese and lentil pasta and seems to be really enjoying them! The chocolate obsession seems to be waning and we are back on the fruit yogurts again. I am enjoying sharing mealtimes with her at the moment.

She is talking so much, and saying new words all the time. So many little phrases and sentences are emerging, such as ‘look ___(at object such as stick/flower)’ ‘ I/Me Eat’ and she is also pointing at things and asking their name, or telling me their name. She has also started to sing ‘EIEIO’ and a little bit of baa baa black sheep, which is mixing it up a little from ABC and Twinkle Twinkle!

I can’t wait (and slightly dreading) taking her on holiday, it will be so lovely to be just us three together, and I am looking forward to seeing her in the pool.


This week I have been loving some Pukka Tea I was sent to review. Clean Green Tea and Morning Time – both are lovely and just what I need to help with my water intake and stop me having too much tea and milk.