When I was pregnant and I was told that I had to buy some massive pants for after the birth, I was half amazed and half disgusted that I had to buy some Granny Pants. They looked bloody HUGE. I couldn’t find any to start […]
They told us in the most technologically advanced way they could, via Facetime. I was actually impressed. This was the only time my Mum has managed to Facetime us herself straight off. I wonder if anyone else has used their ipads in this way. However […]
If you’re new to Plus-Size, or just wondered what was within the flowery section at the back of the shop with this name, then this very much tongue-in-cheek guide is for you.
1. The plus-size department is seperated from the ‘normal’ clothes, usually at the top floor right at the back, segregated like it’s some sort of infectious disease.
2. You will be able to spot the Plus Size department as all the clothes are significantly bigger than the rest of the shop, clothes billowing from the racks like sails on a boat.
3. People who wear Plus Size clothes, they love slogans. They love slogans like ‘Love Yourself’ or ‘BE HAPPY” or “Life’s for Living!” emblazoned across the front.
4. Because all fat people are happy, jolly people. Our role model is Father Christmas.
5. People who wear plus size clothes, they love flowers. They wear clothes covered in ditsy prints. It’s like a plus size uniform. Any flower will do, just make sure they cover 85% of the top or trousers you are wearing. It’s like camoflage.
6. People who wear plus size love bright colours. The brighter, the better. Even better if you put multiple bright and clashing colours onto the same piece of clothing.
7. People who wear plus size must wear different clothing to the rest of the shop. You can’t get ‘normal’ clothes in the plus size, oh no. The ‘normal’ size only goes up so far and after that, you have to wear the special clothes.
8. People who wear plus size must wear an item of clothing with elastic in. It’s the law.
9. People who wear plus size have to wear wrap dresses and tunics and leggings, at least once a week.
10. People who wear plus size all have very wide feet, so need shoes that are as wide as 2 normal people’s feet.
11. Oh, and people who wear plus size love shoes, because we can buy any fecking shoe we want. Unless our feet are too wide, but we may buy them anyway just to stroke gently.
12. People who wear plus size have huge boobs. Boobs so big they can’t fit into anything but massive boulder-holding industrial strength old granny looking bras. Every single plus size person can barely stand up due to the weight of their boobage.
13. You are either in the plus size, petite or tall section of a shop. You can not ever be a combination of these things.
14. If a plus size person tries to wear skinny jeans, she will spontaneously combust.
Almost daily insights into my brain….. I found out today what Beyoncé was warbling about when she was talking about drinking watermelon. Urgh. Yesterday I realised I hadn’t got dressed, washed or brushed my teeth today. At about 6pm. Nice. I feel like I meet […]
I seem to be racing ahead with my books this week, I have read three now this year, so doing very well! I finished Second Life by SJ Watson, a great read and the review will be on the blog very soon. It was a real page turner and full of tension, loved it.
The other book this week is Going Out in the Midday Sun by Kate Hardy which is the book I’ve been reading for the Bahlsen Book Club. I really enjoyed this book, set in the late 90s and about a group of people who’s lives intermingle by chance. It was easy to read and well written. Again full review up very soon!
This week has been very tiring. We lost Nancy’s dummy (or diddy as it’s known in these parts) on Monday, and ever since then we have been going cold turkey. She has actually coped really well, and we haven’t had many tears. Getting to sleep can be tricky though, with bedtimes going on for over 2 hours. It’s starting to settle a bit now.
She’s also starting to get interested in using the potty. At times she will refuse to wear her nappy, and we have had some successes using the potty too. I’m just taking my lead from her and making it a gradual process.
I’m feeling really good at the moment, very positive and happy in myself. It helps that Im fitting into clothes better, bought some nice clothes with Christmas money, and I’m taking the time to look after myself and my appearance better such as painting my nails, using my straighteners and wearing jewellery again.
I’m really pleased with how I’m doing with weight watchers, I’m focusing on veg, trying to eat fruit and/or veg with every meal. I’m happy counting my pro points again, i feel I have my mojo back and my self control. December was a total write off so I was glad I only put 4lb on over Christmas, and I managed to lose this last week. So I’m very pleased with myself 🙂
This is a short but sweet little update, a day late, but never mind! See you next week x
Being on a diet, or healthy living plan, or whatever you want to call it, sort of takes over your life. You change before your very eyes. Suddenly, you’re talking about what cheese is the lightest and how many haribos you can eat for 1 point. Here’s 10 observations I have made about being on a diet – let me know yours as well!
1. Healthy Things Cost Money
Trying to stick to your healthy eating plan? Want a life? You go out, you choose your salad. you’re congratulating yourself on your wise choice, then you realize your salad costs more than the non-healthy option. you lose weight, but are poor, or you are fat, and can afford to eat salad – its one of life’s conundrums.
2. You become addicted to fat TV
Fat: a year to save my life, Super Size vs. Super skinny, biggest loser…there are loads of these shows. And sometimes you may feel a bit smug and/or better as you don’t weigh as much as they do. Even though you’re probably eating a biscuit when you’re watching.
3. Everything becomes Mini
You become obsessed with anything miniture. Teeny tiny morsels of niceness that you can savour, for about a minute. Mini Babybels, mini twisters, mini flapjacks are just a few.
You make sauces out of random household items such as Fanta and a mysterious item called Quark that you have never seen before in your life.
5. Crazy-Ass Recipes
You start following mad recipes such as ‘mushy pea curry’ and start to put baked beans in everything. You make chocolates out of shredded wheat and Nutella out of desperation, and try and make some sort of cake out of pasta.
6. Weigh yourself
When you weigh in the first time, you wear whatever it is you’re wearing. No probs. A few weeks later, you are going to the toilet 3 times, turning around 6 times and touching your nose once whilst wearing a negligee before you stand on the scales.
7. You try and convince yourself initially that walking to the canteen to buy a diet coke is excersize. The next week, you’re breaking your ankle undertaking Insanity with 30 day shred on as background music.
8. It’s all you can talk about
It becomes a total obsession. you want to tell everyone about your points, what you’ve eaten, and how hard it was/how easy it was to eat that Penguin. Instagram is your friend. You may, Er, blog about it too.
9. Wine doesn’t count
Wine doesn’t count. Especially on Fridays. Or Saturdays. It’s like water, or something.
10. Cheat Days Rule
You can’t go on a diet without having weigh-in day as a cheat day. When after you weigh in, you pop next door to the chippy and queue up behind everyone else from the class.