Tag Archives: making mum friends

Making Moves Group: Baby Groups and Making Mum Friends – Group Number Two!

So, me and bubs have gone to our second group! I decided to bite the bullet and go to another group after the success of the baby massage, which we are still going to and really enjoying. I am starting to chat to the people who attend that group a bit more, and I feel more confident than I did at the start. I can’t say I have found anyone I really click with yet though, although everyone has been really lovely.  So I thought why not expand my horizons, and get out of bed and go to Making Moves.

Making Moves is a group about Music, Movement and sensory play. It is a group for under 1 year olds. This seemed perfect for Bubs as she loves singing and music. When I walked into the room, I saw a few mums and babies sat around the mat. One end was crawling, trying to walk babies, at the other, were the babies lying on the mat, trying to wriggle about, or even newer born babies being cuddled by mums. It was clear that a lot of the Mums new each other and to start with I was a little flustered as everyone was talking to everyone else, and I didn’t know how to start. So I just sat there with Bubs, and talked to her instead! The lady who ran the group came over and I wrote my name down on their form. There were a few new members of the group, but a few of them already knew other Mums from other groups. Arrgh! Where do they all find each other, I wonder?! Luckily at this point a lovely lady who had seen me at the health visitor clinic started to talk to me, and before long the session started.

To start with, there was an introduction where everyone goes round the circle, introduces their baby and their self, and says something about their week. Dear me, what had I done! I thought, I couldn’t even remember what day it was, let alone something that had happened that week! Then I remembered Bubs had rolled over on the Monday, and so I said this. All going well so far.

The first part of the group session was singing. They all started singing songs, that I had no idea of. I tried my best to ‘lalala’ and mime where needed, and followed others for cues on when to lift/rock/swing baby to the tune. I am sure the more you attend these groups, the easier it is to remember the songs, but I was assuming nursery rhymes, and they were singing all sorts. I need to get a book of children’s songs, I think, much to my chagrin.

After the singing, there was a time to play with some streamers, although we sat this bit out as Bubs decided she wanted her bottle. They all seemed to love it though.

After the streamers, a bit of Abba was put on, and dancing around the room in a circle commenced, Mums holding baby, and swinging, lunging, lifting, rocking and free styling dancing in time to the music. Again we sat most of this bit out as she was feeding, but we joined in at the end.

After this, we had bubbles! This was great. The babies were lying on the floor, and bubbles were being blown all around them. Bubs absolutely loves this, I hadn’t even thought to try blowing bubbles at home, but  will now. She was absolutely fascinated.

After the bubbles, a big parachute was put over the babies, and we all lifted it up and down, over them, singing twinkle twinkle little star – that I could do. The parachute was dark blue, and had yellow neon stars on, so was lovely to watch their faces as it bobbed up and down over them. Bubs also really liked this.

After this, more singing, this time with shaker/maracas. Bubs loved holding the shaker and the sound it made. Lots of songs I didn’t know were sung next, but as they were quite repetitive I started to get the hang of them. People asked for specific song requests, and soon the old favourites were out, like Old MacDonald, and I was on safe ground again.

Then that was the end of the session! There was juice and biscuits and time for a chat after this, and everyone sort of fell into their little groups and were chatting. I left them to it I am afraid as I just didn’t have the energy to try and get in on a little group. Maybe the more I go, the more I may fit in with one, or start my own, eh?

I am definitely going again, she loved it so much, like I thought she would. A few people from the baby massage group will be going this time, so I may even start my own gang, who knows!? In end I know going to these groups is about trying to make Mum friends, but I can’t force myself to be friends with people who I don’t get that connection with, or who just seem nothing like me.  But I will keep going for Bubs sake as she really enjoyed all the interaction. She even started to take notice of other babies, and started to try and grab their arms!

So that was my second baby group adventure. Watch this space for more!

Going To A Group For the First Time: Baby Massage

As you may be aware, I was rather nervous about going to a group because I am a bit quiet and get nervous talking to new people (you can read my post about this here).

BABYMASSAGE

I signed up to Baby Massage one day, one of the first times I had been to the Health Visitor Clinic at the children’s centre, when I had to wait over an hour to actually get Bubs Weighed. Whilst waiting, one of the ladies that work at the Centre was talking to everyone about the Centre, what activities they do, the drop in, support groups etc and got us all to fill in forms. She also then casually roped me into signing up to this class. Although I was terrified, I was relieved there was a 4 month waiting list as I thought I could forget about it, and decide whether or not to actually go at a later time, and it got the woman off my back and onto some other poor unsuspecting new mother.

Anyway, the call came and it was our turn to go to the Baby Massage. As usual I got up 2 hours before the start of the group to get ready, and was still 10 minutes late. A great start, I thought, running down the street in the sunshine. Sweaty, out of breath, and now a bit red in the face, I entered the room at the Children’s Centre. I hate being late, and I hate being late whilst looking like an out of breath hippo whilst New People look at me and JUDGE me. So anyway what a first impression!

I was lucky in that the first session, initially we had to fill in yet another form, and so I had time to settle, catch my breath and go down a few shades of red. The room was actually very calming and relaxing, with calming music, candles lit up in the corner, and the floor was mats covered in fleecy blankets with cushions spread over the floor. There were three other Mums there with their babies, filling in their forms. All looked roughly the same age.

I filled in my forms, and whilst I did Bubs lay on the mats, kicking her legs and chatting away to herself. She seemed pretty chilled out.

To start with, as I was busy filling in forms, I didn’t really get to talk to anyone. I had also managed to pick the spot nearest the teacher, and furthest away from everyone else (I always manage to do this!). A few others were chatting, asking general questions to each other, and starting to get to know each other. I felt a dip in my stomach, yet again I would be the odd one out, no-one would talk to me, I’d be the invisible person in the room. Heart palpitations fluttering away, I tried to hide my anxieties and just smiled and chatted away to Bubs instead. A few other late comers arrived after me, and so I thought I maybe had a chance.

Once we had all filled in the forms, the session began. The lady leading the session was lovely. She talked through the massage, that it was a mixture of massage, reflexology, yoga and other things like that which I can’t actually remember now. It is also about the nurture, the bond, as well as the massage. We were all given a bottle of organic sunflower oil to use (“if its good enough for the inside, it’s good enough for the outside!”) and told that to start the massage, we first had to ask permission from our babies if they wanted a massage, as it is all about the bonding and nurturing process. So there we sat, 6 adults, asking 6 under 4-month-olds, whether they wanted a massage. Surprisingly, no-one seemed to object, and so we began. We had to initially pour the oil on our hands, and rub it into our palms near our babies ears, to make a ‘swooshing’ noise, so that the baby knows this is the start of the massage. We then started to massage. We focussed on the legs and feet as the lady told us these are the body parts babies are most used to being handled and so easiest to start with. The massage strokes were quite easy to follow, and the lady told us it doesn’t matter if you don’t do it exactly right. The oil was not too yucky in my hands, and it was very peaceful, calming and relaxing to do. We all sat there, babies gurgling and chatting away, whilst we massaged their legs, and feet, and toes. Bubs seemed relaxed, she kept looking at the teacher, and chatting away to her. But she let me do the massage, first on one leg and foot, and the other. The massage was complete.

Then, it was time for tea. The teacher went away and made us all a cuppa, which I was rather glad of. Then I realised; I had to chat to people now; there was no escape, this was the next part of the session apparently. Others were chatting away, and I just sat there with Bubs in my arms, chatting away to her. I didn’t know how to jump in and start talking. I thought I’d end up not talking at all. But in the end, I managed to glance at the lady next to me and her daughter, and stutter/bark “Ssssshe has a pppretty dress!” at her. I thought I compliment was a safe comment to say, I’m not sure I even liked the dress, but it was a starting point. Anyway, the women didn’t seem to notice my anxiety and just responded to my comment with a ‘Thanks, we have so many clothes, she can hardly wear them all!” and then it seemed I had to reply. This seemed to be a conversation. And it continued. We chatted about clothes, how big the babies were, the weather, feeding. It didn’t seem too awkward, and I think I didn’t say anything stupid. relief was flooding over me. As I was chatting, drinking my tea, Bubs started to fall asleep; massage seems to get her sleepy which is a great thing! I put her in the pram and got ready to go. I didn’t talk too much to the other ladies there, and there was a young girl there with her Mum, who was even quieter than me, whom I think I should talk to next time. Yes. Next time. It’s a 6 week course, so if I have managed this in the first session, it looks positive for the next 5, doesn’t it?

Going to this session really helped me alleviate a few fears, and although I am terribly shy I did manage to start a conversation. Like a lot of people have told me, having the baby to talk about and have in common with everyone was very useful. It even made me think about going to the music and movement session, which I think Bubs would love. I felt so much better for getting out of the house, doing something structured, doing something new, I felt a bit like I was at work again (but much more fun of course) in that I have to meet new people and chat to them all the time at work, so why I can’t do it out of work is beyond me, but I definitely felt more confident at the end of the session.

So here it goes, Another 5 weeks and who knows what will happen?!

I am linking this post up with The Oliver’s Madhouse Magic Moments, as this was a magic moment for me, I overcame my anxieties, I went to a group, and you know it was OK! And I felt so much better for doing it!

As Quiet As A Mouse – the need to talk as a new mum

As quiet as a mouse

I am a quiet person. I am rather introverted and I only really open up when I am with people I really know and trust. I don’t mean to be rude and I know sometimes I can appear sullen when actually I’m the complete opposite.

This makes making friends rather difficult. I hate making small talk and talking about things that really don’t interest me. I get flustered and usually end up making a prat of myself.  It’s not that I don’t try, I do,  but it must come out wrong. I say things and conversations end or people misunderstand what I say.  I try to crack jokes but they’re not  funny to anyone but me. Or I’m so quiet that people forget I’m there and when i talk they jump a mile.  For me the worst thing is making the effort, thinking its gone well only for people to forget who you are or the conversation you had the week before. I always remember who people are, not always names but their  faces.  If people can’t be bothered to remember me or dismiss me then i don’t have time for them. It just reminds me of being at school trying to impress the popular crowd and I don’t do that. I find rare gems of people who are my friends, few and far between but my friends are people I genuinely like to spend time with, I can’t be doing with who I call “fair weather friends” who only like you as you serve a purpose to them.

Books and music Have always been my solace. I don’t need to talk to enjoy either. My mum always told me you always have a friend when you’ve got a book.

Thing is, when I got pregnant I knew I had to start talking.

Bump Talk

I knew that talking to my bump was important.  However if I am on my own, I can spend hours not actually speaking at all. I did wonder whether the baby could hear my thoughts as there were always plenty of them. Then I realised music was a great way to communicate and I felt Easier singing along to a song.  So I spent time most days playing some music and singing to my bump. It didn’t usually take long but it was rather soothing and relaxing to do. I have a penchant for Disney classics, don’t judge me.

Songs I listened to:
Baby mine – from Disney’s Dumbo
Part of that world – from Disney’s Little Mermaid
Beauty and the beast – from Disney’s beauty and the beast

I also played music whilst in the shower, bath, car. This would be My favourite music on my Ipod.

Baby Talk

Now that Nancy is here, I am having the same difficulties as before. I am making a big effort to talk to her and interact with her.  I have taken to describing what I’m doing throughout the day to her as starting point. She loves to watch me  talking and will usually reward me with a smile.

What I need to get back to is my music.  I miss it ! And it is something that has fallen by the wayside of late. I find music calming, soothing and a good way to de-stress.

I have started  singing nursery rhymes to Nancy and she seems to enjoy them. What I am not doing and what I need to start doing is singing some lullabies. I found reading the recent guest blogs on @edspire blog, about lullabies (to raise awareness of The Lullaby Trust in memory of Matilda Mae), a useful reminder and has made me realise the importance of doing this.

I need to take the plunge

The other thing I need to do is start  meeting other people.  Other Mums, people I can be friends with.  I know I need to go to some groups for Mums and babies but the thought of having to talk, look daft, or steered clear of for looking aloof when all it is, is that I’m quiet, puts me off. I’m talking from past experiences of other groups I’ve been to such as slimming world. I need to think of things to say, questions to ask. To just take a deep breath and say something. I don’t find it difficult at work, where I can be teaching a room full of people or speaking to strangers, so why?

Does anyone else feel this way? How have you over come this? I will find a group to go to and I will force myself out of my shell.  I shall let you  know how I get on.