Tag Archives: making friends

Wanted: Friends

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Today is a bit of a low day.

I don’t get them often. But today is a low day.

Today is a day when I want to be able to pick up a phone and call a friend. Maybe meet for coffee, arrange to go to the cinema or have a girly night in.

I want to feel a part of something.

But I’m not. 

I’ve always struggled with friends.  I find it so hard to push myself. And even when I have friends, I can be terribly flaky and some times I just can’t bear to do what I’ve arranged to do. I don’t blame people moving on and not keeping touch.

Is this being an introvert? Social anxiety?

I wish I could be the person I think I could be.

I am more aware now than ever that I need some friends. Depression and feeling crap due to pregnancy plus the  grief of my Dad meant I hadn’t really thought about it until now. But now I’m ready to be a friend. Hopefully a better friend than I have been these past 18 months.

So today I’ve reached out to people I’ve lost contact with, or who I’ve  not made much of an effort with. And if you may be reading this, I’m sorry about that.

I’m looking for groups to go to. I’m talking and messaging and trying to make some links again, on and offline.

I’m being practive, not wallowing in my low mood but pushing myself to do something about it. I think that’s progress really.

So I’m feeling low. But I’m also feeling strangely positive.  Because I’m Making today the first day in my plan to get myself back on track.

Friends

I am not very good at making friends. I have written about this before, about mummy groups. But this time I am talking about friends. I always wanted to have a group of friends like…er…Friends, but it just seems that I am not cut out for that sort of thing.

It didn’t help that throughout my life, I moved a lot, and so lost touch with a lot of people who were good friends. It doesn’t help I moved away from Nottingham, and that most of my friends still live Up North.

It is hard to make friends when you are older. Especially if you are like me. Especially when you work with nearly all people 20 years older than you. I am quiet, I am shy, but if you get to know me, I am nothing like that. I am funny, and have a great sense of humour. I am very good at giving advice, chatting, cheering people up. I will always be there for people. If I connect with someone, then it works. If I don’t, I don’t. I can’t be bothered with people who aren’t on my wavelength. I guess I am a little picky about Friends.

I should have known really, not to try to organise a party, as I had to invite so many people, people who probably not my bestest friends, but people I do get along with. I should not organise parties, I am great at attending events and parties, but organising my own, I should never try to do. It just causes me great anxiety, and stress, and I never enjoy it anyway. But I am 30 and so I thought I would make an exception.

My friends are precious to me, and when I see them, its like we take off from where we last met. It’s not awkward, its great, we can talk, chat and its like we live so close we’re popping in for a cuppa. I wish so much I still lived up north. But I doubt I’ll ever move up there now. I understand my friends have lives up there, as I do down here, and that driving hundreds of miles for a party is expensive and not always possible. I understand that I value their friendship so much as I have so few friends here, and that for them, I am just one of many friends they have. But I can’t help but feel down when they say they can’t come.

There are people I met through work, who I thought were friends, but it doesn’t seem that way, although a few people have been lovely and stay in touch. I just feel deflated, I try so hard to be liked, to be friendly, I just wish I could meet people like me. People who want to spend time with me. Why Can’t I find anyone?

I am an introvert, and I am a total nerd. I love my computer, and I love the people I have met on twitter. When I went to Britmums, I didn’t feel like what I have described above. I met people like me. Who understood me. Who laughed like me. I have met some people since then as well, as I think we have got on really well. No pretence. And everyone online who answers my silly tweets, helps me boil an egg, I value you all. because you are all friends to me.

In real life, I tried to organise a party for my 30th. Under a quarter of the people I invited got back to me. A pathetic amount. But those people who got back to me, include people I met on here. People who are making a lot of effort to come and see me. More effort than people I have known a lot longer, in Real Life. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few people in real life who have also made a big effort.

I am no good at making friends, and this party was the first one I’d ever have as I have never had one before. But even now, 30 years old, I can’t fill a room.

I don’t know what this post is about, other than a little rant for me, but I guess what I am saying is, thank you. I appreciate everyone reading this, and everyone who interacts with me regularly. I may be a big fat saddo, but it seems I have more friends ‘virtually’ than I have for real. Although I like to think these friendships are real.

I know what the meaning of this post is! I’d rather have a handful of brilliant friends than a room full of people who didn’t really want to be there. So thank you everyone who got back to me, because I know now who my friends are. And we will have a fab time on Saturday I am sure. Or rather, I’ll be too drunk to care by then.

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Making Moves Group: Baby Groups and Making Mum Friends – Group Number Two!

So, me and bubs have gone to our second group! I decided to bite the bullet and go to another group after the success of the baby massage, which we are still going to and really enjoying. I am starting to chat to the people who attend that group a bit more, and I feel more confident than I did at the start. I can’t say I have found anyone I really click with yet though, although everyone has been really lovely.  So I thought why not expand my horizons, and get out of bed and go to Making Moves.

Making Moves is a group about Music, Movement and sensory play. It is a group for under 1 year olds. This seemed perfect for Bubs as she loves singing and music. When I walked into the room, I saw a few mums and babies sat around the mat. One end was crawling, trying to walk babies, at the other, were the babies lying on the mat, trying to wriggle about, or even newer born babies being cuddled by mums. It was clear that a lot of the Mums new each other and to start with I was a little flustered as everyone was talking to everyone else, and I didn’t know how to start. So I just sat there with Bubs, and talked to her instead! The lady who ran the group came over and I wrote my name down on their form. There were a few new members of the group, but a few of them already knew other Mums from other groups. Arrgh! Where do they all find each other, I wonder?! Luckily at this point a lovely lady who had seen me at the health visitor clinic started to talk to me, and before long the session started.

To start with, there was an introduction where everyone goes round the circle, introduces their baby and their self, and says something about their week. Dear me, what had I done! I thought, I couldn’t even remember what day it was, let alone something that had happened that week! Then I remembered Bubs had rolled over on the Monday, and so I said this. All going well so far.

The first part of the group session was singing. They all started singing songs, that I had no idea of. I tried my best to ‘lalala’ and mime where needed, and followed others for cues on when to lift/rock/swing baby to the tune. I am sure the more you attend these groups, the easier it is to remember the songs, but I was assuming nursery rhymes, and they were singing all sorts. I need to get a book of children’s songs, I think, much to my chagrin.

After the singing, there was a time to play with some streamers, although we sat this bit out as Bubs decided she wanted her bottle. They all seemed to love it though.

After the streamers, a bit of Abba was put on, and dancing around the room in a circle commenced, Mums holding baby, and swinging, lunging, lifting, rocking and free styling dancing in time to the music. Again we sat most of this bit out as she was feeding, but we joined in at the end.

After this, we had bubbles! This was great. The babies were lying on the floor, and bubbles were being blown all around them. Bubs absolutely loves this, I hadn’t even thought to try blowing bubbles at home, but  will now. She was absolutely fascinated.

After the bubbles, a big parachute was put over the babies, and we all lifted it up and down, over them, singing twinkle twinkle little star – that I could do. The parachute was dark blue, and had yellow neon stars on, so was lovely to watch their faces as it bobbed up and down over them. Bubs also really liked this.

After this, more singing, this time with shaker/maracas. Bubs loved holding the shaker and the sound it made. Lots of songs I didn’t know were sung next, but as they were quite repetitive I started to get the hang of them. People asked for specific song requests, and soon the old favourites were out, like Old MacDonald, and I was on safe ground again.

Then that was the end of the session! There was juice and biscuits and time for a chat after this, and everyone sort of fell into their little groups and were chatting. I left them to it I am afraid as I just didn’t have the energy to try and get in on a little group. Maybe the more I go, the more I may fit in with one, or start my own, eh?

I am definitely going again, she loved it so much, like I thought she would. A few people from the baby massage group will be going this time, so I may even start my own gang, who knows!? In end I know going to these groups is about trying to make Mum friends, but I can’t force myself to be friends with people who I don’t get that connection with, or who just seem nothing like me.  But I will keep going for Bubs sake as she really enjoyed all the interaction. She even started to take notice of other babies, and started to try and grab their arms!

So that was my second baby group adventure. Watch this space for more!