thoughts and things

Tag: life

My Life with a Threenager

This is my life now….. Lying in the dark, listening to the Frozen Soundtrack. Making a hot chocolate without cream that should have been with cream but they weren’t going to drink it anyway but still they wanted, didn’t want the cream. You’re Elsa when […]

Answers to the question Why?

Answers to children’s most irritating questions…. WHY? Well, because it is. Because that’s what someone named them. Who knows? I’m not sure really. What made you think of that? I don’t know why daddy always leaves the loo seat up. Beats me. Why are you […]

The Silence

I never noticed how quiet it was in the house, until I woke up this morning and there it was. This deafening silence.

Bubs had gone to stay with her grandparents, and by all accounts was having a great time. I woke up at 8:45 and the first thing I thought was – ah, a lie in! (Oh how times have changed).

Going down stairs to make a cuppa, and there it was. Silence. And it got me thinking:

was this what it was like before? Before we had Bubs?

what the hell did I used to do with myself?

We sat and drank our tea, not even thinking to put the TV on. It was lovely. The silence enveloped me like a duvet. It was so different to what I am now used to. It was a novelty. We sat there, both thinking.

You don’t realise what quiet is, until you suddenly have it. I liked it, it was relaxing whilst I had my cuppa, but just for a while. I couldn’t cope with it for long and eventually the radio went on.

Reflecting on the past, I really don’t know what I did all the time! I’ve had a bit of time to myself the last few days but everything I’ve done has been something I wanted to do that lasted an hour or so. What did I used to do when there was no time limit? What did I do to plug the silence?

Silence, emptiness, white noise. These are words that came into my mind. Nothingness. It’s not just about sounds. What was I doing with my life?

I can’t even remember, you know. I remember reading my book for a few hours and my Saturday routine of cleaning the house from top to bottom (oh yes, I’ve always been a bit rock and roll!). But what did I do day to day? my partner works shifts and I used to spend many evenings all on my own.

What did I do?

Nowadays, whilst it is loud, chaotic, and busy, I like it. I thrive on it. I like the fact that when I come home we have our evening routine of meal, bath, bottle, bed. I like that when I come home from work, there is always a person happy to see me.

You don’t realise it at the time, but I feel now, looking back, that I was unfulfilled. My life had no direction and whilst I loved my job, outside of it I did not do very much. Socialising was something I wasn’t good at.

Now, I feel that a piece has been put into the puzzle. The sound of life and laughter has been filtered into my life. There were times before, when I know I didn’t speak at all, to anyone, all day. Now I am talking non stop. Now I have found who I am, and a role in life. I am very happy and you know what, she makes everything worthwhile.

I am glad that I don’t have silence in my house everyday. I can’t imagine my life how it was before.


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