Tag Archives: crochet

Autumn Days – September Tealady Update 

The year has flown by. I can’t believe we are back here in October again.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about October; it was a year ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I had to take time off from work, due to many issues including my Dad’s illness. Memories of this time last year, many journeys up and down the M5, watching my Dad slowly get weaker. 
I’ve been crying a lot recently. Not in a depressed way. A release.  I didn’t cry about my Dad much before now. I think I kept it in, held it all together to get through the pregnancy and supporting everyone else. It seems now I have time to process and let go of these feelings. I miss him. I miss his humour and his facial expressions.  I miss talking to him about DIY, my work and gardening. I miss gossiping with him about my mum and sisters, us both being the ones who sorted them out. I think he’d be pleased with what I’ve done with the garden this year – I’ve tried really hard with some help from Dan’s Mum. And nothing seems to have died yet. I chose a hollyhock as my dad loved to grow them – I think he’d be impressed with mine although would tell me I should’ve staked them out a bit sooner. 

5 and a half weeks in and I’ve started to settle into maternity leave and being a mum of two.  I won’t lie – initially I really felt I’d made a terrible mistake. It was hard. But now we’re all getting used to our new normal and we all seem fairly happy.  Nancy has been so good and understanding. She’s had her moments but she has been entitled to; after 3.5 years her world was changed rather dramatically!  We’ve only had one mention of putting Erin in the bin….

I’m taking a slower approach to life; enjoying time outside and exploring the area and enjoying each moment. I want to think about my friends and family more, create memories and just ‘live’.

I’m also really enjoying my crochet at the moment and have set up a Facebook page and instagram  (tealady_crochet). I am really loving this new crafty and creative side of me; it’s really excited me and invigorated me. I will blog about that in a bit too. I probably have bought too much yarn though….

So that’s me at the moment. My aim is to blog a monthly update and will blog bits inbetween. Even if no one else reads it, it’s cathartic for me!  
Emily x 

Crochet Corner 

My adventures into the world of crochet…..

This month I have discovered YouTube for the delights of crochet. Oh, and Pinterest. It is down to Pinterest that I have discovered Wooly Wonders Crochet on YouTube, absolutely brilliant and easy to follow directions to make a variety of crocheted items.

I wanted to make a baby cardigan and I tried her tutorial here.
The whole thing was remarkably easy and this is the finished product:

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I’d never thought about using YouTube for a pattern but it’s been really useful to actually see how the stitches are done and what each part of a pattern means.

After my cardigan, I’ve tried another Wooly Wonders Crochet pattern – A Tulip dress. This was very simple but has helped me enormously as I’ve managed to get to grips with decreasing stitches and also sewing parts together! I’ve made this for my niece and I can’t wait to see her in it.

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I’ve had a look at some facebook/etsy crochet and yarn shops this month too. I treated myself to the Rainbow Yarn Club box from Rainbow Fusions which was lovely and I also bought another skein of yarn (called Acid rain). I’m not really sure what to use them for yet. I’m also thinking I need to wind the yarn up into a ball before I use it? Not sure but I’ll give it a go and report back!

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My current project is a chevron cowl/scarf pattern in Inside Crochet magazine a month or so ago. I’ve never tried chevron but the pattern is described as “easy” so let’s see! I’m using alpaca wool as well which I haven’t before. Let’s see how it all turns out!

I’m really enjoying crochet and like a book, once I’ve finished a project I feel like I need to reflect a bit before I choose something else to make. I love the whole process and feel at last like I have a true hobby that really does give me real satisfaction.

I am keen in the future to pick up my knitting needles again and also to get a sewing machine (I did textiles GCSE but haven’t touched one since then!!). Crochet has sparked off my imagination and a crafty side of me I thought I didn’t have!

I’d love to see what you’ve been making or any tips, good patterns or signpost me to where to buy cheap yarn or other accessories.

Happy Crocheting! Xx

Crochet the Fog away

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After my Dad’s death in November last year, as well as sadness,  a relief washed over me. The dark  cloud of terminal cancer that had hung over my family for the best part of 6 months, was gone.  I could start to look forward again.  I don’t mean that in a horrible, I-dont-care-about-my-dad way, but the emotional and mental trauma of living in limbo was unbearable. Not knowing when but knowing it would happen sometime. I felt trapped, stuck in a nightmare. Whatever happened, the future was going to be different.

I had spent months grieving with my Dad. By the time he passed away, I felt like I had no grief left. I was glad that he was at peace,  away from the cancer that ravaged his body and took away everything about him. 

Around the same time as my Dad’s diagnosis, I was not feeling myself. I had changed jobs at work, and I was struggling with getting to grips with new processes. I wasn’t sleeping well and Nancy was waking a few times each night and bedtimes were a constant battle. I began to feel anxious,  tired and worried. I was snappy and angry, very angry at the slightest thing. I became disengaged, not wanting to socialise and at work I was speaking my mind (which was a bit angry and ragey) which was raising eyebrows.  I wasn’t myself. All this on top of my Dad diagnosed with a terminal illness. I worried about him, my Mum, my younger sister with learning difficulties. I felt duty bound to help sort it all out and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of burden,  being my mother’s oldest child, of how I would get us all through this. I’d always been the helper, the one who sorted everyone else out. My fingers were gripping the edge of normality and I was starting to slip.

I went to the GP and was prescribed an anti depressant. However, I didn’t take it. I felt stupid, silly, overreacting. I pushed it to the back of my mind and carried on until the day I walked out of work before a presentation I was supposed to undertake. I went home that day and was then signed off work for 6 weeks.

Medication alone, I don’t think, can help with this kind of illness. You need time to refresh, time to talk if you feel you need to, and you need space to be yourself away from the stresses of life. I felt that I had totally lost who I was.

I had mentioned I wanted to learn to crochet a while back. I had tried myself with you tube for help a few years ago, but I gave up pretty quickly.

For my birthday I received a gift voucher for crochet lessons. I was intrigued and wanted to give it a go. However, the next lessons didn’t start till the end of November, so I booked in and didn’t think much of it.

I had my first crochet lesson about a week after my Dad had died. The timing was not brilliant and I did contemplate not going. It felt a bit of a stupid thing to do given the circumstances. But the lesson was booked and having a few hours to myself sounded a good idea. I was nervous though.

The 2 hour lesson was a complete relief; I thought of nothing except about what I was doing right at that moment. We crocheted a granny square and the sense of achievement I felt was a new feeling for me. For the first time in 6 weeks I felt almost normal again.

Picking up the crochet hook meant that I could do something physical, use my brain and have time just for me to contemplate, reflect and relax. I felt that by making something, it was a positive coming from my negative mind. It felt healing. It felt therapeutic.

6 months on, I feel much better now. I still have some low days but these are manageable. Having a new craft, a new hobby has really helped me feel like I’ve moved on from all those negative thoughts. I miss my Dad and I always will. Crochet hasn’t cured me but it gave me an outlet I didn’t previously have. It has given me a love of crafting and a desire to try more things and be a bit more adventurous. Things I find interesting and engaging. Things just for me. And that was really what I needed.