Just being me
Life has settled. Things feel normal. Calm has (sort of) been restored. My life as it was in 2012 when I found out I was pregnant, is no more. In fact as I wrote last week, I can’t even remember what that life was like.
So, the last 21 months I have been on a journey. Half the time I wouldn’t be able to tell you who I was or what I was thinking. But I have felt recently I have come to a plateau; things are becoming routine and so that means I am working out who I am now. That may sound a bit cringey and clichéd. Of course I am still me. But for a while I felt like I was on pause. I am me with added space in my brain for all the baby information.
I feel like I can manage at work (well, just about) and when I’m at home we have a nice routine to the day. I am not on edge or anxious at home now. I am happy being with Bubs and we have a good time. Most days I am not longing for bed time (I said most).
Work is stressful at times but at least I can remember my work phone number and computer passwords.
I have even started to think about my appearance. Yes I’ve been looking at confidence clothes for a while but I mean body maintenance. I’m trying to keep my nails nice and I’ve painted my nails a bit more often. I’ve been remembering to use moisturizer even. Hell, I even shaved my underarms yesterday. Little things I did before without thinking I’m starting to reincorporate into my life. I’ve even started wearing my contacts again which I actually put on hold for 6 months as I wasn’t wearing them.
I can get out of the house (alone) at times and I am reading books and blogs a lot more. I feel I can fit in a bit more of things I like to do. Maybe my time management skills have been improved.
This is my normal now. Yes Bubs will change but this person who I am now, this will be my baseline from now on. I feel I have come to terms with life and my situation. It’s taken some getting used to as well. I feel like my brain and my body have clicked back together. I feel positive about this year and what me Bubs and her dad can do and experience. I have a lot of good things to look forward to this year and at the moment I feel positive about where I am heading.
I just feel like me. I am just being me, and that’s it. And I feel good.