Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to break free.
(Yes, I want to be Freddie Mercury in his suspenders and hoovering).
No, seriously. Sometimes I just want to get up, and go.
I want to go dancing, singing.
I want to down shots and drink gin until 4am.
I want to go to karaoke and wear fancy dress
I want to just leave the house, with just my car keys and my purse.
I want to go to the pub after work, and eat a burger and chat to friends.
I want to lie in on a Saturday morning, and then have brunch, and wander around the shops.
I want to be able to go to the cinema and just watch whatever’s on.
I want to read a book from cover to cover.
I want to be able to get in my car and drive wherever I feel like it. Maybe Leeds, Birmingham. Anywhere.
I want to see my friends, or my sister and be spontaneous.
I want to just do nothing, all day. Wear my pyjamas and eat fish finger sandwiches.
But then, I remember something:
I’ve done all these things, and more. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that. I really have got the T-shirt.
What I am doing now, is something I’ve never done before. And it’s pretty exciting really. I had boring days before. I had exciting days before. But I didn’t have my little girl before.
And to be honest, I’m too bloody old and grumpy to be going wild, unless it’s opening a new packet of biscuits.
You can never go back, you can only go forwards
You can never go back, you can only go forwards. You never get those moments back. Even if I tried to recreate what I’ve done before, it’d never be the same. Embracing the present, and what we are doing now, how we are feeling, who we are with, is a moment you will wish you got back one day. Sometimes I have to remind myself of these things. Make the most of it.