This is my last Monday that I have with my little girl, before I go back to work. Every Monday from now on, bar holidays or sickness, will be a work day. I have been on Maternity Leave since the 14th January this year. I can not believe that the time has apparently gone so fast. When I think about it though, some aspects of this year seemed to last forever.
There have been highs and lows, there have been good days and bad days. I find it ironic that now, I feel settled, I feel happy, I am comfortable with who I am, and how I am as a Mother, I feel I am in the swing of it now, and yet now I have to go back to work. Bubs is so delightful at the moment too. She has such a personality, and every day she is doing something new, or working something out.
I will miss her.
Yes, I am only working two days a week until Christmas, so it’s not like I won’t be around. But things will never be the same as they have been after this week. I have to depend on others to care for her, to look after her, I have to go to work, smile, and do the best job I can. I have to earn the money, for our future, our new house, nice things, a nice life. I know this.
When I think about work, I don’t really mind though. I am lucky, I am doing the job that I always wanted to do, and not to be big-headed but I do quite a good job. I had such a passion for my work, and my vocation, and I have taken a little holiday from that since I had the baby. I am looking forward to getting involved again, using my brain. I am looking forward to it. I have a dissertation to write, which fills me with fear, but the challenge is something that pushes me and makes me strive to achieve. I have all this to look forward to at work.
I wish I didn’t have to go back to work. I have said this before, in another post. My other post was full of sadness, and I really didn’t want to think about work. I have moved on since then though, but of course I wish I could carry on now as I am, as I feel I am in a good place. I feel I have changed, and grown, and I know what I have to do now. Now I have to work out how to do this, and work at the same time. This will be a challenge too. But it is a challenge I am taking on positively.
I am looking forward to work, as I need to see this as a positive. This is why I started my bucket list, which I will be updating soon. I need to think about it, and feel like it’s a good thing. Feeling bad, and worried, is not going to change the fact I am going back. I will never be a stay at home Mum due to my circumstances. It makes me sad, as I think I’d have been rather good at it. I just hope I have done enough in these last 8 months to make sure that she has had the best start in life.
In a weeks’ time, yes I will feel worried, and stressed and sick. I haven’t a clue how I will manage. But I will, and it will get easier. There have been a lot of changes at work too, and so I need to get my head around a lot. But there it is. I go back to work on Monday 4th November.
I just hope I can keep up with the tea consumption at work or else I will have serious withdrawals!