Category Archives: Opinions

Are we not allowed to have opinions anymore?

I love a good debate. I love talking to others about a range of topics and I like to hear others opposing views.

image

Having strong opinions and being able to discuss and justify your beliefs are very important skills. Listening to others point of view,  accepting other people will think differently,  and sometimes even conceding someone may have a better point then you to make, are even more important arguably and something I admit I haven’t fully got the hang of yet.

Yes, there are times I may think people are Knobheads for their opinions (look at anything Donald Trump says) but this is part and parcel of being human. We all get hot headed at times. We may all fume at headlines or quotes of what people have said. We may read blog posts that set our souls alight with rage. Maybe we just don’t like what someone has written because it’s just really badly written.

You will at some point say something flippant and “bitchy” because as I said, we are human. It shouldnt be the norm but you have to accept that its a part of life. All of us have people we don’t like for whatever reasons.

However there is a difference in thinking these things and writing them down for all to see.

Parenting is difficult enough. There are so many choices and ways of doing this. There is no manual so there is no right or wrong way. Yet others out there have a manical, evangelical attitude to try and convert the world to whatever it is they are passionate about. Nappies, feeding, clothing, menstrual supplies, car seats and buggies are all topics I have seen this happen to recently.

My question is: Are we not allowed to have opinions anymore?

There are those who will always stick to the most common and well liked opinion; the safe option maybe.

There are those who sit on the fence and tread the thin line between one opinion or the other.

There are those who will totally disagree and may believe something totally different.

That is life.

We can’t like everyone all of the time. People seem desperate to be on the “right” side of a debate and seem to have saccharine opinions in an aim to please the most popular people. To be in the “in” crowd.

People are scared to say what they actually think for fear of a backlash within their (I’m talking online here) communities.

No matter what happens in life, you can’t avoid confrontation. Someone, somewhere at some time will disagree with you.

I’m getting tired of seeing how critical others can be of opposing views which buck against the popular consensus. I’m tired of seeing those who will criticise others for daring to say what they think or believe.

Healthy debate is good; and if you disagree with someone I think you should say it.  In a mature way.

We will all never get on. The world is not a Diet Coke advert with us all holding hands singing “I’d like to teach the world to sing”. Having a different opinion is ok. Agreeing to disagree is something you CAN do.

It’s the way we all deal with these opinions which need to change. I am sure I am guilty of all these things at some time in my life, I’ll be the first to admit.

It’s OK to agree; it’s OK to disagree. I’m going to try from now on to remember that and respect it.

Thinspiration?

What is this new word being bandied about?

Thinspiration?

I don’t know what to make of it really.

There has been a lot of publicity about this word recently. People are questioning the use of this word. People are questioning whether magazines are using this word, and whether their intention or not, they are encouraging young women to lose weight. This word is used within pro anorexia sites as some sort of mantra, some sort of way of encouraging each other to get thinner. I understand why there is such a backlash. People want others to not use this word. Anything that can glorify such awful conditions such as anorexia or bulimia should not be splashed about the pages of a magazine.

But how do I feel as someone clearly obese and clearly not very thin when I see words like thinspiration?

Are these words, these articles, aimed at me?

I wonder why anyone would get ‘inspiration’ from being thin?

What does thin mean anyway?

Can someone get ‘fatspiration’? (To be honest this just reminds me of being fat in the summer and sweating).

I have never liked magazines or newspapers that glorify weight as if it is the holy grail of life. The be all and end all for a woman is to be really thin. Really? I don’t actually feel anything when I see these words. They don’t hit me in the eyes, they don’t insult me, in a way I mentally roll my eyes and walk on by.

I guess it’s because those women, they have never been my idols. I have never tried to be as thin as them, as I have never in my life been as thin as them. I have never had a stomach so flat that it disappears when you stand up. I’ve never had a thigh gap. I’ve never been able to fit into their clothes. Nothing about them makes me want to buy things they wear, or to be them. It’s just too unattainable for me.

But I know, for some people out there, they are the sort of people they want to be. And that’s where people are coming from.

I may have never idolised these celebs, but I know how your weight can make you feel anxious, stressed and pretty shit. Trying clothes on used to cause me a lot of sadness. I can see how these images and words can upset people, or push them over the edge.

Why can’t we be celebrating people’s talents on these front covers? Photographers, artists, writers, people who have achieved things other than getting into a size 6. Why is it always about diet, weight, celebrity-ness?

I know it’s not always the slimmer celebs that get the column inches. Magazines seem to either highlight how much weight a celebrity has supposedly lost, or highlight how much they’ve supposedly put on. Fat or thin they just love to tell us all about it. They even have their own diets and success stories from readers.

I know. They wouldn’t write these magazines if people didn’t buy them. (Ps. I don’t buy these magazines). I can’t help feeling though that these magazines have a responsibility, they can set the agendas, if they took initiative and started to do things differently, slowly but surely things could change.

Why can’t we just be inspired by other women, and what they have achieved, rather than what the numbers on the scales say.

Mother’s Day: ceramic chickens and sentiments

OK – I’m going to say it. I am not a fan of Mothers Day. Yes, I know, I’m a mum. But why should I or my child feel compelled to celebrate me on a specific day? The fact that it is coming up this week – well I don’t feel anything about it. I’m not excited, I don’t expect anything. If anything it just annoys me that I’m here wondering if I should be feeling something about it at all.

Where did Mothers Day come from? What is there to celebrate? I’m a mum, yes, but I don’t know if I feel the need to have a day dedicated to it. I get that it is to give mums a ‘day off’ but I find that a little condescending to be honest and most of all it is actually a lie. You don’t get a day off when you’re a parent.

All I’d want to do is sleep all day anyway if I was given the option. In reality you’re forced out for a roast dinner (and you know not that that’s a bad thing mind) and then there are the dubious presents – most of which look very pink and often useless. I remember buying my mum a ceramic chicken one Mother’s day. She did a great job of looking like she actually wanted it. I’d only bought it as I was in a rush and couldn’t go home without something.

But that’s it you see. For me, It just feels false. I really struggle with this outpouring of emotion that we are supposed to give out on days such as this. Valentine’s is another example. I’d rather not do anything on the same day everyone else is. Just like my ceramic chicken, why am I buying this crap just because someone (I’m going to guess a card company) wanted to make more money. It feels like you must do this or else your mum will never know you loved her because it’s done only on this day.

I’m not a really cold hearted idiot. I know that it is a nice opportunity to meet up with family and I know my mum appreciates the sentiment. I wouldn’t not ‘do’ Mother’s day for my mum as I know she enjoys it (although I stopped buying random presents a few years ago). I know other people use it as a day to remember their Mums too so I know that for many people the day serves a purpose.

I just have an issue with the fact you feel you have to do something.

I also find the fact that it’s a Sunday is difficult. I find Sundays very boring and the fact I’m working the next day means you can’t really let your hair down (i.e. drink a few G&Ts).There are many other days in the year for us both to show appreciation of each other in a more personal and fun way. Maybe we just need to reinvent Mothers Day and start doing things differently. Like doing it on a Saturday when the shops are all open or go zorbing or having an uninterrupted shower.

Last Mothers Day, my first, I was in a bad place. I was struggling to feed Bubs and I couldn’t really function. I did get a lovely framed photo though and it is only now I appreciate it, looking back. It was a lovely thought from the person who gave it to me. I think if you make it what you want, it’s not so bad. Just don’t feel you have to do this or buy that. It was a lot better than a ceramic chicken. Sorry Mum.

A Year as a Mum: In Review

One year I have been a Mum.

How do I feel? I feel relieved that everything feels like its falling into place at last. That I have something called ‘Normal’ that I can relate to again, a baseline upon which to base my days.

Normal just went out the window when Bubs was born. I know they tell you that ‘Everything Changes’ and I was like ‘yeah yeah, of course it does’ but it does. It really does. My life turned upside down, and I had no fricking clue what was going on for a bit. But now, it feels OK.

Anyway so whilst the prosecco was working its way through my veins, after her little family get together, I thought of a few highs and low of the last year, to sort of recap what has happened so far. Sometimes writing things down like that can make you see things differently.

Highlights of the last year:

mastering the art of one handed-ness

being able to change a nappy on any surface (or lack of one)

being able to sleep sitting up and not let go of the baby

being able to string a sentence together after lack of sleep

that cup of tea and toast after giving birth – it’ll never be beaten

being able to do up a sleep suit in under 30 second whilst singing and doing the actions to ‘wind the bobbin up’

feeding bubs food that didn’t come out of a packet

talking to other Mums’ at a group and not dying of boredom

not crying as my house is overrun with toys

singing the entire theme tune of ‘cloud babies’ in one take

teaching Bubs to high-five

Lows of the last year:

booby milk leakages in public places

flashing my boob at the postman

eating food out of packets

eating Bubs’ leftovers from the mat on the floor

washing the bath with wet wipes

soft play centres – hell on earth

going to work with baby snot all over my trousers

singing the entire theme tune of ‘cloud babies’ in one take

my hair falling out and now growing back in ‘tufts’

not shaving my legs for 10 months

In Summary:

I think I’ve done a brilliant job. Just need to change my clothes more often and try to eat some vegetables (me, not the baby). I’d love to feel the elation that the tea and toast gave me, but without the birth bit, if that’s possible.

Here’s to another yummy mummy year!

What are your Mum highlights or lows? Let me know in the comments below!