I am having a lot of conversations at the moment about bubs. People generally asking me questions about her. Usually people from work, or people I haven’t seen for a while. But I can guarantee that every time, one question will be asked.
One question that I have heard a lot over the last eight months is, “is she good?”
And you know, I’m never exactly sure what they mean when they say it.
Thing is, I’m saying it now. Back at them. As a response. It seems easier at times.
Today I met with some work colleagues at a course. They all asked me, “is she good?”
And I replied “yeah! She’s really good”. I didn’t have a clue what they were referring to.
Good at what? Rock climbing? Spelling? Having a really big poo?
I thinkthey are talking about sleep. I think they mean does she cry all day everyday. I think. No-one ever explains it, but we all say “good” and nod and everyone appears happy with the answer. I think people ask if they are good when they are not really bothered about babies and don’t really care about the answer. Or, they don’t really like me and ask out of politeness, not really wanting an answer. I can cope with that, to be honest, and I have learnt – If you try and do more than say “yes she’s good”, they start edging towards the door or start drifting off to talk to someone else.
I always wonder why people ask me questions about the baby, if they don’t really want to hear an answer. Today I saw eyes glazing over, almost as soon as they had asked. It’s not as if I stood up at lunchtime and did a PowerPoint presentation of 8 months worth of baby photos. In fact, I’d rather not talk about her, to be honest. Being at work or work related stuff as a KIT day is bad enough, I don’t need to be reminded I could be at home drinking a cuppa and watching
mr bloom this morning.
However, thee are a few people who ask more probing questions, and can be a cause for concern. These are people who actually want a cohesive answer, and all the more worrying, they want to give you some advice. Sometimes I can feel my eyes glaze over as they ask these questions.
Take, sleeping for example.
“Does she sleep through?” “Does she sleep well?” “Does she fall asleep on her own without any rocking/singing/feeding?”
These people are dying to give you some information. Usually based on their own experience.
“Just put her down in her cot and walk away”
“Let her cry it out”
“She should be in bed by 7pm every night”
Don’t get me wrong – I love people helping me, giving me advice, and talking to me about issues I have, if I raise the issue in the first place, if I ask for advice, or if I ask them a question. It’s when people ask you a question, in order for them to say what they want to say! They are just waiting to lunge in with a question, and even before you answer, they know what their response will be.
Baby conversations can be an interesting one. To be honest, I can’t remember how I used to talk to my new mum work colleagues before I had a baby myself. I suspect I fell into the ‘is he/she good” eyes glazing over category. To be honest, I don’t particularly like talking about her now, not in this sort of context. If I am with my mummy friends, either online or in real life, I know they will listen and understand. Everyone else asks, but they don’t really care about the answer.
Maybe should put that PowerPoint slide together….