The year has flown by. I can’t believe we are back here in October again. I have a lot of mixed feelings about October; it was a year ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I had to take time off from work, due to many issues including my Dad’s illness. Memories of this time last year, many journeys up and down the M5, watching my Dad slowly get weaker.
I’ve been crying a lot recently. Not in a depressed way. A release. I didn’t cry about my Dad much before now. I think I kept it in, held it all together to get through the pregnancy and supporting everyone else. It seems now I have time to process and let go of these feelings. I miss him. I miss his humour and his facial expressions. I miss talking to him about DIY, my work and gardening. I miss gossiping with him about my mum and sisters, us both being the ones who sorted them out. I think he’d be pleased with what I’ve done with the garden this year – I’ve tried really hard with some help from Dan’s Mum. And nothing seems to have died yet. I chose a hollyhock as my dad loved to grow them – I think he’d be impressed with mine although would tell me I should’ve staked them out a bit sooner.
5 and a half weeks in and I’ve started to settle into maternity leave and being a mum of two. I won’t lie – initially I really felt I’d made a terrible mistake. It was hard. But now we’re all getting used to our new normal and we all seem fairly happy. Nancy has been so good and understanding. She’s had her moments but she has been entitled to; after 3.5 years her world was changed rather dramatically! We’ve only had one mention of putting Erin in the bin….
I’m taking a slower approach to life; enjoying time outside and exploring the area and enjoying each moment. I want to think about my friends and family more, create memories and just ‘live’.
I’m also really enjoying my crochet at the moment and have set up a Facebook page and instagram (tealady_crochet). I am really loving this new crafty and creative side of me; it’s really excited me and invigorated me. I will blog about that in a bit too. I probably have bought too much yarn though….
So that’s me at the moment. My aim is to blog a monthly update and will blog bits inbetween. Even if no one else reads it, it’s cathartic for me!